Why So Many Women Still Struggle to Own Their Voice (and What to Do About It)
by Tabby Biddle
There’s a moment I’ll never forget.
I was sitting in a room with a group of brilliant women—founders, educators, academics, artists, entrepreneurs—each of us gathered for a leadership workshop on using our voices and sharing our messages more boldly in the world.
But when the moment came for each of us to introduce ourselves to the group—not with our résumés or job titles, but with our mission and the message we were here to share—you could feel the hesitation in the room.
As we went around the circle, some of the women’s voices were shaky. Their breath was short. Their body language was tense. Some of them even softened the volume of their voice. Others passed, saying they weren’t ready and “please come back to me.”
And I understood this—because I felt that hesitation, too. That quiet second-guessing. That pull back moment. That internal voice that way saying:
Is it safe to say this? Will they understand me? What if I sound too ‘woo-woo’?
Over the years, I’ve discovered this happens not because we don’t have something meaningful to say. It’s because, for so many of us, we were never taught that our voice matters—let alone that it could shape culture, challenge toxic systems, or inspire global change.
The world taught us to be quiet.
From a young age, many of us received subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages: Don’t rock the boat. Don’t take up too much space. Be careful what you say—and how you say it. Be agreeable, not assertive. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t be too loud. And definitely don’t make anyone uncomfortable with your truth.
We watched what happened to women who did speak boldly: They were criticized, mocked, dismissed, discredited—or worse.
So we learned how to adapt, shape-shift, and shrink. We learned how to protect ourselves from judgment or rejection by holding back. We learned to speak in ways that felt “safe,” even if it meant muting what we really wanted to say.
I am all too familiar with this.
Add to this, many of us carry a deeper fear—one we rarely name out loud. A fear rooted in centuries of silencing, punishment, and violence for women who dared to speak.
It’s in our cultural DNA. It’s in our bodies. And yes—it’s real.
I see it in the brilliant women I coach who know they’re meant to lead... and still find themselves stuck in a forward–backward rhythm:
They come forward, then shrink back. They write something, then delete it. They know what they want to say, but then let the moment pass.
So many of us learned to protect ourselves by hiding the very parts of us that were meant to lead.
But here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey—and in mentoring women across the globe over the last 15 years: the cost of silence is too high.
When you don’t speak your truth, something inside you begins to dim. Your soul’s calling goes unanswered. Your creative energy starts to dry up. You shrink, quietly, from the world—and from yourself.
And over time, that silence becomes heavy. It can weigh on your heart, your body, and your mind. These unexpressed emotions can take a real toll on your mental, emotional and physical health.
So yes—there is urgency to owning your voice.
But this doesn’t happen by forcing yourself to “get out there.” There’s a kinder, gentler approach that I’d like to suggest to you today.
5 Ways to Begin Owning Your Voice:
Please approach this with kindness and compassion for yourself.
1. Notice when you silence yourself.
In meetings. On social media. With family. In friendship. Notice—without judgment—where you pull back.
2. Name WHAT YOU’RE HOLDING BACK.
Get curious: What truth are you not saying? What idea? What vision? What dream?
3. Explore WHY.
Ask: What am I afraid might happen if I speak up here? Please be gentle and compassionate with yourself. This step holds generations of weight.
4. Practice speaking your truth aloud—Just to yourself.
Try this: “What I really want to say is…” And say it out loud. Say what you really want to say. Even though no one else will hear this, you will. This is where the reclamation of your voice begins.
5. Speak in Sisterhood.
Surround yourself with women who want the full, unfiltered you. To own your voice in public spaces, your voice first needs to be witnessed in a safe, supportive, and loving environment. Sisterhood is the key to that. This will give you courage and is essential on this path of reclaiming and and owning your voice.
Owning your voice isn’t about being loud. It’s about being true to you. It’s about learning to trust the knowing in your body, honoring your story, and stepping into leadership, not because you have all the answers, but because you’re willing to speak what you do know.
If you want to go further with this, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop: The Feminine Leader’s Voice: How to Own Your Voice & Make It Matter. It’s a 90-minute journey to help you own your voice with confidence, get clear about what you want to say, and speak in public spaces with presence and power.
Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a TEDx speaker, public speaking mentor, and thought leadership coach who helps mission-driven women and emerging thought leaders amplify their voice and rise as powerful, visible leaders. With a background in journalism and global gender advocacy, she specializes in guiding women to speak with clarity, confidence, and purpose. Join her for her upcoming workshop, “The Feminine Leader’s Voice: How to Own Your Voice & Make It Matter.” Register here.