The Goddess Diaries

Alexandra Jaye is Goddess of the Week!

Mar 24th, 2011

“We need to connect to the divine Goddess within us so that we stay aligned with our virtues. This connection is our compass for how we live our daily lives. When we feel connected to our divinity anything is possible.”

Alexandra Jaye, founder of My Goddess Life

Interview by Tabby Biddle

Alexandra Jaye, founder of My Goddess Life, says that she made a choice about six years ago to really live out loud. "It was a big time in my life where I had made a choice not to hide who I was."

Alexandra Jaye is a passionate, playful, adventurous and soulful Goddess. She is all about living with as much love, joy, fun, appreciation, and enthusiasm as possible and inspiring others to do the same! She is the Founder of MyGoddessLife.com and the creator of the Rock Your Goddess Life program. Through her work, she shares her wisdom, expertise and excitement about nutrition, fitness, spirituality, sensuality, creativity and love.

Alexandra is a master at creating fun, empowering programs for women to “Get their Goddess on!” Are you ready to meet this phenomenal Goddess? Let’s go!

Tabby Biddle: Alexandra, you stand so fully in the word “Goddess.” When you call yourself a Goddess, what does that mean to you?

Alexandra Jaye: I love the word Goddess. It’s a call for us to fully embody who we are and who we are becoming. When I refer to myself as a Goddess I am invoking my Highest Self. It’s a reminder that I am committed to living a virtuous life in integrity with my highest goals and values.

Tabby: One of your mottos is “Wanna get your Goddess on?” What do you mean by that?

Alexandra: A Goddess is simply a woman who is living her authentic path. It is a woman who is willing to stand in her truth no matter what. It is a woman who is embodying her virtues, her values and is shining her light out into the world. We all have different flavors so it’s important we honor our own unique path. When we’re embodying the Goddess, we’re connecting to the deepest part of ourselves. In this place we can start asking the profound questions that bring us closer to our authentic selves. When we start asking big life questions we start shifting and becoming more aligned with who we truly are. When we connect with this Goddess energy there is usually an inner call that takes courage to follow. This inner Goddess will always guide us to a more authentic life. Always! We just need to trust Her.

“Wanna get your Goddess on?” is an invitation to play in the Rock Your Goddess Life program, which is a 12-week program playing and embodying the 10 Elements to Goddess Living. The include Nutrition, Movement, Spirituality, Purpose, Play, Sensuality, Relationships, Confidence, Self-Care and Beauty.

I feel that every Goddess is always evolving to greater expressions of her authentic self. We are always shifting and changing. It takes courage, hard work, awareness and beautiful love from other Goddesses to fully embody who we want to be. This is what Rock Your Goddess Life is all about.

Tabby: I know a number of women who actually struggle with calling themselves a goddess. Why do you think this is the case with some women?

Alexandra: I think that there is a lot of energy to the word. I think that when you call yourself a Goddess or when you call another woman a Goddess, you are calling yourself out in some ways. You are saying, “Yes, I am a Goddess and I am living a virtuous life. I’m committed to living in integrity with my Highest Self.” There is an energy of stepping out that can be scary for people. Really owning that Goddess energy of Yes, I am here. I’m stepping out. I’m living out loud. I’m speaking up and out … can be intimidating for a lot of women.

“When I call another woman a Goddess I am seeing her divine essence…her Highest Self. I am inviting her to rock her virtuous life and be her most radiant self.”

Tabby: Did you have any self-doubt or self-sabotage in creating MyGoddessLife.com?

Alexandra: Oh yes. When I first knew intuitively who I was and the path I wanted to take, I had major self-doubt and insecurity. I thought, Who am I to do that? It consumed me. People who knew me on my path, they would never ever have said that I was insecure. They would say she’s totally confident, she rocks it, she does everything she wants to do. But there was this feeling for me like I was not fully self-expressed. I felt I like was contained and there was so much more that wanted to be birthed, and I didn’t know how to do it. And a lot of that stems from being insecure. I looked at other people and thought, “They’re not insecure. What’s wrong with me?” I started feeling depressed and like I was a loser. I thought that it was easy for other people. But what I’ve learned is that we all have it — we all are insecure, we are all doubtful, we all question, “Is this really good?”

It was a step for me to call myself a Goddess and put myself out in the world as a Goddess coach and facilitator. There was definitely insecurity and doubt. But then on a deeper level I kept connecting to: This is what I am meant to do. I’m doing the right thing. I just need to show up. I need to breathe into who I am. There was a deeper confidence that guided me, and all the stories and all the thoughts that were limiting me, I just let go, and then just kept showing up.

Tabby: And then what happened?

Alexandra: Showing up was the biggest thing. I felt that a lot of times I’d show up powerfully and then I’d get scared and I’d retreat. Then I’d show up powerfully, and then I’d retreat. The question became, “How do I show up consistently as a powerful Goddess giving my gifts?”

Tabby: What advice would you give to a woman who is shying away from or pulling back from the word Goddess?

Alexandra: Sometimes the word Goddess doesn’t resonate for every woman and there is nothing wrong with that. For me, it was a grounding point to claim, “Yes, this is the life that I am committed to.” For me, it had a profound effect and was a very important part of my journey. But for some women, it really just might not work for them. And I think that’s cool in actually owning that it may not be the word for them. It’s really just a woman living her authentic life. Really simplifying her life, taking time for herself, connecting to herself and figuring out who am I, what am I supposed to be doing in the world, what am I most passionate about, what do I want to do, what is my authentic path?

“I am all for women connecting to their feminine power and rockin’ it,” says Alexandra.

Tabby: I noticed when I emailed you recently I received an auto-responder saying that you were offline for a week while you were in creative mode for Rock Your Goddess Life. I thought this was an amazing choice and statement. I am curious to hear more about this.

Alexandra: It’s not something that I’ve completely mastered yet, but it’s something that I’m working on. My business is Internet-based, so being on the Internet is really important. That’s just how we create, how we give, and how we serve. But there is something that happens to me when I sit in front of a computer … I just lose my sparkle. I get very much in my head, not connected to my body. I just don’t feel alive and vibrant.

Every once in awhile I’ll take a few days off it, I’ll take a week off, or a couple of weeks off. I found that as I moderate my Internet and computer time, I feel that I am connected to myself. I’m tapped into my divine essence. I just feel happier. For me, it’s a consistent practice of setting my life up so that I can feel alive and that I don’t always need to be on call and get to someone immediately. It’s kind of silly that we are expected to get back to people so fast. We have no time to actually step outside of the technology and be with ourselves. So I like to create that sanctuary, that little sacred bubble where I can have time with myself again.

Tabby: You are in the midst of a 30-Day Self-Love Adventure. What inspired this?

Alexandra: I am always on an adventure! I tend to do mini challenges when I want to embody a virtue deeper into my daily life. I started the 30-Day Self-Love Adventure because I was feeling a little imbalanced and ungrounded. My husband and I had been traveling for seven months in Bali and Ecuador and I didn’t feel connected to myself and was being a bit hard on myself for feeling off. I have learned when I feel disconnected from my essence it is a sign that I need to turn up my fundamentals or my “blissiplines” as I call them. These are the things that make me feel all sparkly, joyful and connected to my authentic self.

Tabby: What are some of your “blissiplines”?

Alexandra: Some my favorites are moving my body, drinking veggie juice, being in nature more and spending less time on the computer. I find there are certain things that help me get back into my Goddess flow. It usually starts with a major journal jam session. I gain a lot of clarity journaling. Then I bring my intention and focus back on what makes me feel alive, what brings me joy and then I create a loving structure or container — like the 30-Day Self Love Adventure — to get my Goddess groove back and find my own unique flow. I have found that some feminine love and masculine love really works well for me. I dig the flow and spaciousness and I also dig structure. So, I usually find ways to integrate both my masculine and feminine. That seems to work best for my Goddess flavor!

Tabby: Speaking of masculine and feminine, you own a business with your husband. What is that like working together?

Alexandra: Yes, everything we do is under the big company en*theos, which is the root for enthusiasm. It means the divine within. It is fantastic creating with my husband. He is a genius. It’s a beautiful synergy of the masculine the feminine, bringing both of those together in creative partnership. The things that I have done, could I have done them by myself? Yes. But would I have done them in the brilliance, the beauty, the flow, ease and awesomeness as I have done with my husband? No way. It would have taken me way longer. He is great with the masculine structure. He is beautiful for me to get things done. And then I help him with my intuition. We have an amazing life. We get to do what we love together.

I also want to say that there is a masculine way that our society has, and there also is a feminine way. I sometimes look at how my husband does things and say, oh I want to be like him, and I lose a little bit of my feminine flow. For me it’s really about taking time to be off the Internet to find my feminine essence that I bring back to the business.

Alexandra and her husband Brian Johnson run a company together called en*theos - An Oasis for Goddesses & Philosophers

Tabby: What do you think men can learn from the Goddess?

Alexandra: I think that men can learn receptivity and openness and connection and nurturing. I think once women are authentic and in their own power that can set up an enchanting yumminess for men. Men really need us in our feminine power. They can’t access that feminine power as much as we can. When we are fully feminine, radiant, Goddessy and alive, vibrant and on purpose, we really give them life. There is such a nurturing energy that women give men. Sometimes men might not realize they are actually getting it, but they are. My husband calls it “energy candy.” It’s the vitality that men get from Goddesses.

One of Alexandra's favorite "blissiplines" is journaling. She says it helps her get back to her Goddess flow.

Tabby: How did you first connect with the Goddess?

Alexandra: I have been on this journey of self-discovery for most of my life. I started a journal when I was in fourth grade asking these life questions. So, in some ways I think I have always been connected to the Goddess although I may not have always had the courage to fully rock her.

I really started to live out loud about six years ago. It was a big time in my life where I had made a choice not to hide who I was. I committed to be me fully no matter what. It was a pivotal point in my journey. From there the magic unfolded. I felt self-expressed, alive and happy. I met my future husband. And, I started doing my Goddess work with other women from around the world … There is power in the Goddess!

Tabby: You have something called Alexandra’s Goddess Kitchen. What is that?

Alexandra: It’s an online store for healthy living – all the toys that I love. It’s kind of a playground for healthy living. Some women get jazzed up about shoes. I get jazzed up about supplements and vita-mixes and kitchen tools and books and things like that. At some point in the creative pipeline there will be a Goddess Kitchen recipe book and also videos of how to create a Goddess Kitchen – what does that look like, how do you set it up, and how to create simple, healthy meals. Nutrition has been really important for me. I think it’s huge for every woman to work on her nutrition in some way. There is so much emotional uproar that can be traced back to nutrition. I think having a really clean healthy diet is vital, and for a woman to know how to create that for herself and her family can change the world.

Tabby: Why do you think ultimately it’s so important for women to connect with the Goddess?

Alexandra: I think connecting to our inner Goddess is essential to living a happy life. When we feel connected to our divinity anything is possible. I love the image of a world where all of us women feel empowered, loved, beautiful, powerful, courageous, and joyful.

I think we as women need to connect to our Goddess and I think that the world needs us to connect with our feminine power and shine our light. We are going through a time when we as women get to co-create and be a part of evolution. What do we want the world to look like? How do we want women to be treated? How do we want to live our lives? We can make a difference and it all starts with us. We need to stand in our feminine power and radiate our love and Goddess energy. It is a beautiful time for us Goddesses to stand up, speak out, and be our most radiantly gorgeous selves. Bring on the deliciousness!

To learn more about Alexandra and her amazing Goddess offerings, visit MyGoddessLife.com.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, writing coach, Goddess workshop leader and consultant dedicated to amplifying the voices of women and girls. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post on issues affecting women and girls, and works with women on writing projects to help them articulate their message and grow the reach of their voice. Tabby’s work has been featured by the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, Current TV and other online media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: Alexandra Jaye · Brian Johnson · Divine Feminine workshops · en*theos · feminine leaders in Los Angeles · Goddess leaders · Goddess of the Week · Goddess workshops in Los Angeles · My Goddess Life · Rock Your Goddess Life · The Goddess Diaries · Women's Empowerment

The New ‘Smart’

Feb 24th, 2011

by Tabby Biddle.

12 comments

Written by Tabby Biddle

My husband is a smart guy. He is a writer, director, producer, and online media strategy wizard. He is a musician, photographer, yogi, chef, and fix-things-when-they-break master. In a conversation with him the other morning, he said to me: “You’re as smart I am.” I paused to take this in. Did he just tell me that I’m as smart as him?

Now, I know, I know. The feminists, or frankly, all women reading this might be offended. You might think: Of course you are as smart as him. Why would he say this?

Let me reveal to you that hearing those words, “You’re as smart as I am,” made me delighted, even euphoric.

You see, I know I am smart. But I’ve never really had anyone call me “smart,” and especially never a man. Even with my almost straight-A’s report cards in middle school, high school and college, I can’t remember anyone ever calling me smart. I think it was more like, “She’s a very good student.” So that’s what I considered myself, a very good student.

Can anyone relate?

Later that day, I went out with a girlfriend of mine and I told her about my euphoric moment in the morning with my husband. She kind of shrugged, and said, “Of course you are smart. In fact, you are more than smart. You have wisdom.”

Aha. I knew what she was talking about. This was a kind of smart that I related to. This is a kind of smart that lies within my body, and lies within my soul. This is a kind of smart that feels unique to me. This is a kind of smart that helps me see what someone needs to take them the next step further in their life. This is the kind of smart that allows me to “see” things by feeling them first in my body. This is a feminine wisdom smart.

So I started to wonder how many other women are sitting on top of their inner wisdom smarts because they don’t want to appear “not smart.”

It dawned on me that in order to finally admit that I am the feminine wisdom kind of “smart” and to give that kind of smart value, I needed someone I love to see me and say to me “You are smart,” to give up the un-ending race of trying to prove myself in the traditional paradigm.

So is this to say that I am not the traditional book smart that our culture prizes? No. I’m that kind of smart too.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and writing coach dedicated to amplifying the voices of women and girls. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post on issues affecting women and girls, and works with women on writing projects to help them articulate their message, increase their visibility, and grow their influence. Ms. Biddle’s work has been featured by the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, Current TV and other online media. She earned her Master’s degree in Education from Bank Street College and her undergraduate in Political Science from Colby College. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: a woman's way of knowing · aha moment · Divine Feminine · emotional intelligence · feminine wisdom · feminism · Goddess Wisdom · smart women · smart women around the world · The Goddess Diaries · women's wisdom

The Sexual Future of Women & Girls

Feb 10th, 2011

by Tabby Biddle.

14 comments

Written by Tabby Biddle

This blog today comes with a lot of questions – questions about how we can raise a generation of girls to be comfortable and confident in their sexuality and sensuality as they develop into women.

On Tuesday night, I attended a talk by New York Times bestselling author Peggy Orenstein, whose latest book is called Cinderella Ate My Daughter. The book takes a look at the “princessmania” that has taken over a new generation of little girls (including her own daughter) and what this could mean for their identities and futures as young women. In the discussion Peggy brought up the entanglement of sexuality and sexualization of girls.

At the same time, I have been taking an 8-week class aimed at helping me, a 40-year-old woman, become comfortable with my own sexuality and sensuality. It’s called S Factor. Have you heard of it? Many people think it’s just about pole dancing, but actually it’s much more than that. Sheila Kelley, the founder of S Factor, created it as a way to help women take back their sexuality by feeling beautiful in their sensuality without it being for anyone else. Just for themselves. Imagine that.

As I’ve taken the Level I series, I’ve had some personal challenges surface. Most namely, the fine line between feeling sexy and feeling “slutty.”

Slut. There’s that word that stings a woman, young or old.

I had my first experience with that word in the sixth grade. An eighth-grade girl from my school shouted “slut” at me in a shopping center in Flourtown, Pennsylvania. She was apparently upset that I ‘broke up’ with her best friend’s younger brother. Even though I had never even kissed a boy at this stage of my life, let alone held hands, that word stung and I somehow believed it to be true.

Has anyone else had an experience like this?

Girls today are taught that in order to be popular they need to be “sexy,” but if they are too sexy, this can quickly cross the line into “slut” territory. The problem with all of this is girls aren’t being encouraged or supported to explore their sexuality from an empowered place.

So how can a girl naturally develop into a sexually-realized woman when she’s got the world “slut” hanging over her head?

As Peggy Orenstein pointed out, girls like Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears went from wearing purity rings one day to dancing on the pole the next. I get her point, but does the pole have to be seen as a negative thing for a woman? Can’t a woman (young or old) explore her curves, her hip swirls, her cat crawls, and the playful freedom of swinging on the pole without being considered a “slut”?

We as women are divine creatures. We have the potential to give birth to new life. Yet, the elements of ourselves that are so integral to this new life – our sexuality, our feminine body parts, our juicy sensuality — are also what cause us so much shame. How can this be?

As a grown woman, I have struggled with owning my sexuality and sensuality in a way that is true and empowering to me. I have struggled with feeling comfortable in my own skin because of a latent fear of being too sexy. If I let that side of me out there in the world surely I will be admonished by other women. If these are the thoughts going on in my mind, I imagine there are other women who have these thoughts too.

How do we foster healthy sexual development for girls and women? I think as a society we need to discuss this more – and particularly as women we need to discuss this more. It’s our voices that reflect the pain and shame that run rampant in our society. If we give voice to this in honest reflection, instead of continuing the cycle of shame, there is an opportunity for healing.

The wound that is being created and perpetuated by our cultural distortion and commercialization of female sexuality needs to be and can be stopped. We have an opportunity today to hold the space and teach girls and young women that their bodies are special, sacred and beautiful. We have an opportunity today as women to use our voices to express our questions and doubts about the direction our culture is taking girls, and initiate public discussion on the topic, just at Peggy Orenstein is doing.

A friend told me today that her seven-year-old daughter asked if she could run through the backyard naked. My friend said ‘yes.’ Her daughter gleefully peeled off her clothes and ran through the yard leaping, twirling and shouting, “I feel so free. I feel so free!”

That’s what I’m talking about.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and writing coach dedicated to empowering and amplifying the voices of women and girls. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post on issues affecting women and girls, and works with women on writing projects to help them communicate their message. Ms. Biddle’s work has been featured by the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, Current TV and other online media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Britney Spears · Cinderella Ate My Daughter · empowering girls · female sexuality · female writers for New York Times · health sexuality for girls · Miley Cyrus · Peggy Orenstein · S Factor · Sheila Kelley · the 4th wave of feminism · the sexualization of girls · women's sensual empowerment · women's sexuality

Nitika Chopra is Goddess of the Week!

Feb 4th, 2011

by Tabby Biddle.

15 comments

“How we find happiness doesn’t matter, it just matters that we do. Whether it’s sipping a favorite tea in the morning, laughing like a child, or buying flowers, we need to find that daily dose of happiness and weave it into the fabric of our lives.”

- Nitika Chopra, founding Editor-in-Chief of Bella Life, television host, coach & motivational speaker

Interview by Tabby Biddle

Nitika Chopra is on a mission to help people around the globe make happiness a habit and live a colorful, vibrant life. Having gone through her share of struggles, her personal mission statement today is “to show people that love is possible in every moment.” Based in New York City, Nitika is a television host, motivational speaker, coach, and the Founding Editor-in-Chief of Bella Life, an online magazine helping people discover what brings out the color in their world. Nitika is all about spirit, joy, laughter, love and passion! This Goddess brings vibrance to everything she does!!

Tabby Biddle: You launched Bella Life almost one year ago. Congratulations! What inspired you to start it?

Nitika Chopra: I was constantly searching for what I was meant to do. I have always believed that we all have a purpose on this earth. I honestly prayed for almost three years for clarity and asked God to show me what my truth was, what I was meant to do in this life. Well after much searching I finally realized my dream in life was to have my very own talk show, but I had NO idea how to do that! Instead of giving up where I was unsure, I dove right in to the things I DID know — like creating content, networking, coaching, and taking care of others. That’s where Bella Life was created, through focusing on the message I was meant to share, that love, joy and vibrant color are possible in every moment no matter what life throws your way.

TB: What have been some of the greatest challenges in creating and building your business?

NC: I think one of my biggest challenges is my own mind! In 2010 I went through a major growth process with the compare and despair pitfall. I found myself forgetting the growth I had made that week, day or month as soon as a friend or peer achieved something I hadn’t or something I feared I might never achieve. It was the worst and I don’t recommend it. Also a big challenge for me is that my workload literally tripled with the launch of Bella Life. Finding balance with my finances, social life, and work has been more challenging then ever, but it’s so vital to a healthy business and self.

TB: You have a background in television hosting. With the launch of Bella Life, are you still hosting?

NC: I actually just did a shoot this morning with Anne Taylor, which was fun. But since I started Bella Life – and I also have a full-time job on top of that – I don’t audition as much anymore. So I decided to create something on my own. We are going to be launching it this month. It’s called Burst TV. It’s about bringing a burst of color to your world through video. That’s what I am going to be working on in terms of hosting from here on out.

Nitika has worked as a television host on a variety of projects including independent films, popular commercials, and hosting her own television show for a South Asian network.

TB: Talk to me more about Burst TV.

NC: The whole reason I was moved to start Bella Life was because I was trying to figure out how to share this message that I had inside of me with the world. There are so many different ways to share your message. Everyone has their own way. I really love the camera. The medium of television is really exciting to me because I feel like I can be in New York City in my apartment and talk to thousands and thousands of people around the world in such a personal and intimate way. I love that the camera allows you to do that.

TB: You have said, “We all deserve happiness, and we deserve it EVERYDAY.” How did you come to the place of really owning this statement?

NC: At a very young age I went through incredibly challenging circumstances. When I was 12, I realized I could choose to be miserable or I could choose to live in total happiness. I chose the latter because something inside of me — which I know now is the spirit that lives with in us all — said “It will be ok.” I felt isolated for most of my childhood, which again gave me a choice. I could either be isolated and go deep in to depression, or I could figure out what in the world makes NITIKA happy. So I got to work and continue to work on that everyday.

TB: You talked about feeling isolated as a child. What was that about?

NC: When I was 10, I was diagnosed with psoriasis. It’s a skin condition. It’s very common. Most people when they get it, they get it on their elbow or their scalp. But I didn’t get it just a little bit. Within my first year of getting it, from age 10 to 11, it spread from the tip of my foot to the tip of my head, and it covered my entire body.

My parents were always trying to help me and find a cure. I was flown all over the world to try to heal this. I had to stop doing everything I loved. I loved playing soccer and I had to stop. I loved playing tennis and I had to stop. All of my girlfriends would go to the beach on a summer day, or a water park, or a sleepover, and I couldn’t do a lot of those things. That went on for about 10 years.

TB: Then what happened?

NC: When I was 20, the psoriasis took over my body in a whole new way. I got arthritis. From the age of 20 to 25, I was pretty immobile. I wasn’t in a wheelchair, but I couldn’t really do anything without severe pain. I was in bed a lot. I had recently moved to New York, and I didn’t have very many friends because I couldn’t go meet them out for coffee or take the subway because I couldn’t go down the stairs. It was traumatizing for me to have to work through that on a daily basis.

“I was that girl who was feeling like, ‘How am I ever going to be okay?’ I’m very excited about the opportunity to show people that it is possible, and things are going to be okay, but you have to be committed to that.”

TB: Have you always been a spiritual person?

NC: I don’t know if I was spiritual right from the start, but I noticed my spiritual side very early on in life. I have a grandfather who is very active in his religious community in India. I always heard about religion but it was kind of like the way certain Christians celebrate Christmas and Easter, but they don’t read the Bible. I would say that is how I was raised. I am first generation. My parents were always trying to make sure that I was planted in U.S. culture so they didn’t really push me to learn about religion and God and all of that stuff from my culture.

When I was 12, I started listening to this voice that was very peaceful inside of me. I don’t think that anyone told me that it was God, but I think through the years I equated it to that. I really believe that we all have this spirit and this beautiful divine voice within us.

TB: Bella Life is about adding color to one’s life. What is your favorite color?

NC: Green is my favorite color. I just love it. I feel like I get lost in it. I look at something green and it reminds me of peace and health. I don’t know what it is, but it just lights me up inside.

TB: Speaking metaphorically, what colors would you say are strongest in your life right now?

NC: I would say what is the strongest is me owning my power. That’s been a really exciting journey this past year. I never thought that I would be doing the things that I am doing now, especially coming from the physical state that I was in – to the state that I am now. To think that I was in a shoot today from 4am to 12noon, and here I am walking around and doing my thing. I have meetings booked every day that are going to forward my dream and my mission. I feel like I can finally be proud of myself. I’m excited that I pushed beyond all of these negative conversations that were going on inside of me. That’s really the brightest color right now. I love my business. It’s really an exciting reflection of what I want to share with the world and I am so grateful to be doing it. And I am having so much fun!

Nitika says this past year has been about owning her power.

TB: What colors need more attention in your life?

NC: Something that definitely needs work is my relationship with my body. For three years I have been trying to get rid of 15 pounds. It’s not a lot of weight, but I think I am really aware of the fact that the 15 pounds are there for other reasons, other than physical reasons. I am not sure what’s it’s going to take to get me to that final step of optimal full health. That’s something I am really focusing on in 2011.

TB: Bella Life advocates taking pleasure in the little things in life. What are some of the little things in life that make you happy?

NC: I love, love, love my dog. I have a little two-and-half pound Yorkie and she is just the apple of my eye. Taking her for a walk and seeing her get really happy is probably one of my favorite things on the planet. I also love music. I’ve been singing since I was about 13. I just love music. It takes me to a place that is really magical. There is something that gets into my bones and my spirit, and I just feel like I am completely connected to the source of my power and my greatness and the source of the world sometimes, if it’s a really good song.

I also love fun girly things. I love being a girl. I love that I can express myself through fashion. I think the fact that we can wear what we want and be girly, or edgy, or if we are in funky mood, we can be scruffy. I just think that is really cool. As an Indian woman, jewelry is a big thing. If you saw my jewelry collection, it’s kind of crazy. I’m completely addicted to jewelry.

TB: The message of Bella Life is that joy, love, and vibrance are possible in every moment no matter what life throws your way. How do you convince someone of that when all they see are the challenges or the negatives?

NC: This is a great question because it is something that is kind of scary for me. I really believe in the healing process, and I feel like a lot of things that are packaged in the self-help world go straight to the feeling good part. I don’t think that I’ve completely found the right medium to expressing the healing as much as I would like to. Bella Life, however, is trying to accomplish this as much as we can by having authentic stories by our contributors. My contributors are sharing their stories so vulnerably. I think that is really great because it gives readers a chance to really look within. We all learn from hearing about other people’s growth and journeys.

Our contributors are also very active on our site. If you have a comment or a question, they will get back to you. They are really great about taking care of their audience. It’s kind of like having live coaches and leaders right there with you. That’s one way we work with people who are going through a really tough time. But I do wish that I could do that more. I am not quite sure how to do it on Bella Life, but we are going to keep trying. We are going to keep being as honest as possible because I think that it is a huge part of it.

TB: Your writing is so alive and fun to read. What is the process of writing like for you?

NC: I really like telling stories. I think it comes from my dad. He is really good at giving metaphors, and so that’s something that I’ve always been around. I like sharing with people. In terms of the process, sometimes I do get stuck and I think, “Oh my gosh, how am I ever going to write this?” But as soon as I go into the message that I want to write, it usually just comes out. I typically write in a very conversational way – and I don’t have trouble having a conversation [laugh]. The most difficult writing for me is the personal stuff. It’s so funny because I am not a shy person, and not very private – but that conversation is harder for me to share. I don’t seem to get it as easily as I would like to, but I’m working on it.

TB: As the Founder and Editor-in Chief of Bella Life with over 20 female contributors, what have you learned about leadership?

NC: That it’s not about the leader! The most beautiful moments while spearheading this colorful movement is when I focus on the essence of the person or group of people I am leading. Being a leader is an honor and a privilege and any leader who brings that energy to their platform will be a great leader.

TB: What do you mean by focusing on the essence of the person or group of people?

NC: When you are leading a group of people, you can kind of get a sense of where they are at. Whether you are leading a group of people who are really inspired and really excited to take on the next chapter of their life, or you are leading a group of people who are going through a tough time — it’s about whatever the conversation is in the room. If we are in tune with the people around us, we can usually sense the conversation around us. Focusing on that is more important than trying to impress people. It’s really about focusing on the heart of the room or the person you are in front of. That allows you to have compassion that most people don’t always bring to the table. It allows you to bring love into the conversation. I think having a loving, compassionate spirit is natural when you are aware of the group that you are talking to.

Nitika has had a few different careers, including being a successful actress and television host, writing the beauty and fashion section for a South-Asian magazine, becoming a certified professional Life Coach, and now is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Bella Life.

TB: You have had a few different careers along your path. I think there are many women who have had different careers on their journey, but maybe haven’t yet found what they are truly here to do. What advice would you offer them?

NC: I mentioned earlier that I went through years of my life not feeling fulfilled or not feeling like I had found my purpose, and that was while I was trying out the many careers you mentioned. While people around me thought that I lacked focus because I tried so many things, I now see I actually did myself a great service by exploring. I am using all of these tools in what I am doing today with Bella Life. My advice is: Don’t be afraid to take risks and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

You can visit Bella Life at www.yourbellalife.com.

Follow Nitika and Bella Life on Facebook and Twitter to add some color to your world … and stay tuned for the launch of Burst TV!

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and consultant dedicated to amplifying the voices of women changemakers. She works with women entrepreneurs on writing projects to help them get their message out, and is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post on women’s issues and human rights. Ms. Biddle’s work has been featured by the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, Current TV and other online media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: Bella Life · Female Editor in Chief · female television hosts · Goddess of the Week · how to be a happy woman · how to be a healthy woman · how to be happy · Nitika Chopra · Tabby Biddle interviews Nitika Chopra · The Goddess Diaries · tools for transformation · women coaches in New York · Women Mentors in New York

Katie Orenstein is Goddess of the Week!

Jan 20th, 2011

by Tabby Biddle.

6 comments

“We live in a world where public conversation and public knowledge are created in a tunnel. This is a dangerous way to live and experience the world. This means that we have huge pockets of ignorance. Not just pockets of ignorance around women, but pockets of ignorance around cultures that are not represented, and around classes that are not well represented.”

– Katie Orenstein, founder of The OpEd Project

Interview by Tabby Biddle

Katie Orenstein, founder of The OpEd Project, says if we are not out there guiding public knowledge, then it's not reflecting our needs and perspective. "If you are not the one telling your story, it's not being told the way you would tell it."

Katie Orenstein is bringing women’s voices to the forefront of the public conversation. She is the founder of The Op-Ed Project, an initiative to expand the range of voices we hear from in the world. Since women currently do not submit to key opinion forums with anywhere near the frequency that men do, The OpEd Project targets and trains women experts at top universities, think tanks, nonprofits, and community organizations to write op-eds and take thought leadership positions in their fields.

Through a few experiences shortly after college, Katie discovered how you get listened to, how you get taken seriously, and how your ideas can rise in influence.

Tabby Biddle: The OpEd Project is helping expand the range of voices we hear in the world, with a particular focus on increasing the number of women ‘s voices. How would you describe the current landscape?

Katie Orenstein: If you think about who are the voices and what are the ideas that we hear in the world, it’s a very, very narrow selection of society. It’s mostly privileged, mostly Western, mostly white, and mostly male. It’s almost 85 percent male in almost any forum where thought leadership and public conversation take place. If you look at op-ed pages, they run 80 to 85 percent male. If you look at Wikipedia, 87 percent of contributors are male. Congress is 83 percent male, and 85 percent of Hollywood writers, producers, and directors are male. It’s overwhelmingly male almost anywhere you see public thought leadership or ideas becoming influential.

“I think a lot of people are surprised at how male it is because they think, ‘Oh, there’s Maureen Dowd. There’s Hillary Clinton. There’s Katie Couric.’ It feels like there are so many prominent female role models that it’s easy to forget that they are actually the exception to the rule.”

TB: What does this mean for women?

KO: It obviously means a problem for women because our ideas aren’t being expressed and our needs aren’t being expressed. Knowledge isn’t neutral … it’s guided by thinkers. If we are not out there guiding public knowledge, then it’s not reflecting our needs or our perspective. But I think that the bigger problem — bigger because the world is just not women – the world is men and women. I think the bigger problem is that if you believe that half of the best minds and ideas out there belong to women … then what is the cost to all of us with those voices missing? And what could we accomplish if we invested in that missing brainpower?

TB: Only about 10 and 20 percent of newspaper opinion pieces are written by women. Why is this number so low?

KO: First of all, it’s not just women who aren’t contributing. It’s most of the world. Most of the world is not participating. Only a tiny percentage of people are weighing in. Only a very tiny percentage of people are driving the thought leadership and ideas that influence the world. And it’s not that the tiniest percentage of people always have the best ideas. It’s the tiniest percentage of people who by accident of birth are the ones who are heard. So it’s not just women. It just so happens that women are one of the truly under-capitalized brainpower assets.

“One of the biggest places where you could invest and have the biggest return on investment is if you invest in that brainpower.”

We live in a culture of under-representation. Those who are under-represented start to internalize it. There is a lot of research showing that minority voices begin to doubt their own basic competencies. There is a lot of research that shows we believe we can do things because we see other people who look like us doing them. So if you are a woman, a person of color, if you are a poor person, or if you are from the developing world, you are not seeing a lot of people like you participating in thought leadership and public debate. Therefore you are less likely to see yourself doing it.

TB: What about thought leadership? Why do you think there are there so few women?

KO: There has been a long endless debate about why there are so few women in thought leadership. Is it sexism? Is it socialization? Is it biology? All of those questions aren’t so interesting to me. Yes, I think sexism exists and I think it has a lot to do with it. Do I think there are biological differences? Sure. Does socialization makes a huge impact? Yes, it does. But I also feel like that is a circular debate. I think there are more pro-active, more results-oriented approaches to the problem. Our answer at The OpEd Project to the circular debate is: Who cares? What if we could just increase the numbers of women submitting?

“If you are not submitting to the front door of public conversation — if you are not getting your ideas out there — then there is no chance for them to become influential and there is no chance for you to become a thought leader. Our approach looks at submissions as a starting point.”

Katie says we live in a world where public conversation and public knowledge are created in a tunnel. "This a dangerous way to live and experience the world."

TB: Can you give me a specific example about what happens when women’s voices are missing from the public conversation?

KO: One of the most poignant examples of what happens when women’s voices are missing is with heart disease. For years it was thought that women were hormonally protected from heart disease, and then all of a sudden, 10 or 15 years ago, everything was shook up. We found out it’s the number one killer of women. How could it be that for so many years we thought that we were hormonally protected against it? The reason is that all of the research protocols were done by and on men. That tells you what happens.

TB: Have you ever struggled with using your voice?

KO: Oh yes, all of the time [laugh]. I think that’s why I am doing this project. When I think about the audience we serve through The OpEd Project, I think of myself as part of the audience. If I didn’t understand that dynamic and feel it myself, I wouldn’t be doing what I do.

TB: Tell me about your first op-ed piece.

KO: One of the first pieces that I wrote looked at media coverage in Haiti. It was an op-ed style article that ran in a publication called NACLA Report on the Americas. It’s small, but it’s the most widely read English-language publication on the region.

There was a coup in Haiti and then a demonstration against The New York Times in the early 90s. About 100,000 Haitians marched across the Brooklyn Bridge and accused The Times of being the voice of the State Department. This demonstration was reported, but there was no discussion of whether it was serious or not. I thought to myself: I wonder if they are right? I decided to take a couple of weeks tracking who The New York Times actually quoted – who are they the voice of?

I don’t remember exactly the numbers, but it was something like well over 40 percent of sources were foreign diplomats, foreign NGOs, or wealthy Haitians working abroad or with foreign NGOs. When you boiled it down to what percentage of people quoted were just regular majority-class Haitians, it was a very tiny percentage. The people who marched had a point.

My article ran in the small Latin American journal, but it went everywhere. I got to go on the radio and do all kinds of stuff.

TB: What happened after that?

KO: Then I wrote a series of long letters that ran in The New York Times. The letters were 500 or more words, which is unusually long for letters. It had never occurred to me to write an op-ed piece. I think after the third long letter that I got published, the Letters Editor said to me that I should try submitting to the other side of the page. I had felt like I had a responder role. It never occurred to me that I could be the one shaping the ideas from the get-go.

TB: Do you find any commonalities among women in terms of why they struggle with using their voice?

KO: Something that comes up universally in our trainings is massive self-abnegation. I call it the culture of self-abnegation. You see it with men of color as well. It’s not just women. You see it with different groups. You rarely see it with people who are very well-represented, such as highly accomplished white men. It’s not a negative or a positive judgment. It’s more about – do you feel entitled to have a voice? Do you feel that your voice actually matters in the world?

The OpEd Project currently has programs in six cities — New York, DC, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago and Boston.

I think what happens is that we get disconnected from the difference that we make to other people. We start to worry about whether or not we know enough, or whether or not we have expertise. We start to doubt our own basic competencies, and we start to focus on whether we deserve to have a voice.

TB: What do you think we should focus on instead?

KO: We should focus on other people and how important the things we know could be to other people, and what a difference we could make in the world.

TB: You are the author of ‘Little Red Riding Hood Uncloaked: Sex, Morality & the Evolution of a Fairy Tale’. The book explores stories told about women over 500 years across multiple continents, and looks at how those stories shape our lives today. What inspired you to write this book?

KO: I studied folklore in college because I was really interested in the way that we assign meaning in the world. I got a fellowship from my university to go study folklore in Haiti. I went to Haiti, but a coup broke out while I was there. I then began writing as a journalist. I think at first I thought those two things were so different. I felt really disjointed and scattered in my career beginnings.

Something happened where I realized that folklore and journalism, storytelling, mythology and media were not really different things at all, not to me anyway. I think a lot of people focus on: Is it fact or fiction? I think that’s the wrong question. I think that the right question is: Who is telling the story and how does that shape the results? How does that shape history? To borrow a line from Sweeney Todd: “How does that shape who gets eaten and who gets to eat?”

TB: How did you get your book published?

KO: How it happened is that I wrote a long letter in The New York Times, and from that I got a book contract. Part of what motivated me to start The OpEd Project was a realization about how influential those kinds of things can be. I realized that there are certain forums where ideas become influential. I realized that there are certain forums where you get book contracts, or you get TV opportunities, or you get policy consulting opportunities, or you find yourself at the White House consulting with Clinton’s advisors, which I did in my 20s as a result of some op-eds that I wrote.

TB: So The OpEd Project was partly born from this experience?

KO: Yes, I had this sort of awareness that there are people who narrate the world, who own history, who own the story — and there are people who are characters in the story. The story never reflects very well the needs or perspectives of those who aren’t telling it. If you are not the one telling your story, it’s not being told the way you would tell it. I had this awareness, and at the same time I had this very influential experience in my 20s of where I discovered how you get listened to, and how people pay attention to you and take you seriously. I saw this is how ideas rise in influence …this is how you get to be a thought leader … this is how thoughts and ideas actually influence the important conversations of our age.

TB: What do you enjoy most about your work?

KO: I enjoy a lot of things about it, but it’s hard too. There are three things that enjoy a lot. The first is the idea of creating the world, rather than being a player or a pawn. Each of us has the opportunity to create the world that we want to live in. I like that sense of mattering. Whether you succeed or fail, that sense of having the possibility is an amazing feeling. Number two is that I learn something every day about the world. I learn from the people that we work with and from trying to make something happen. I used to live in a world largely of thoughts. Now I live in a world where thoughts result in action every single day. I would say that the third thing – and maybe this is what I like most of all – is that I get to have a sense of my value to others. I get to feel it. It is such an amazing feeling to feel like you’ve played a role in other people’s successes.

TB: If you had a loudspeaker that could be heard by every woman around the world, what message would you want to impart?

KO: I don’t that I would direct my loudspeaker just to women. I think I would be broader than that. I’ve never thought of what we do as a women’s project, not even for a split second. I always think of it as a public knowledge project — an everyone project. I think I would direct my loudspeaker to people who are under-represented.

The goal of what we are doing here is to tell people that they matter – that their brains and their ideas matter. Our goal is to help them understand why and how so that they feel a sense of social obligation to contribute to the world. Our goal is to help them realize that having a big voice is not a selfish, braggy, loud thing to have. It’s actually the most generous thing to have.

The OpEd Project currently has programs in six cities — New York, DC, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago and Boston.

Upcoming Public Seminars:

February 2-3, New York City
February 5, Washington, DC
February 6, San Francisco
February 12, Boston
March 6, Los Angeles

To sign up for a seminar or to learn more, please visit The OpEd Project website.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and consultant dedicated to amplifying the voices of women changemakers. She works with women entrepreneurs on writing projects to help them get their message out, and is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post on women’s issues and human rights. Ms. Biddle’s work has been featured by the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, Current TV and other popular media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: best female journalists · Catherine Orenstein · Goddess of the Week · Katie Orenstein · Little Red Riding Hood Uncloacked · Tabby Biddle interviews Katie Orenstein · The Goddess Diaries · The OpEd Project · The OpEd Project comes to Los Angeles · women helping women find their voice · women op-ed writers · women's empowerment leaders · women's voices

Leela Francis is Goddess of the Week!

Jan 13th, 2011

by Tabby Biddle.

1 comment

“The values and philosophies of the Sacred Feminine cherish sensuality, spirituality and creativity as the three most vital sources of a woman’s power and wisdom. These three fountains of health, abundance and well-being for women invite profound access for women to the sacred realms of our Goddess essence. When Woman connects to Goddess, we are living our personal as well as our transpersonal power; a force much greater than just one or the other.”

– Leela Francis, founder of Vividly Woman™ and VividExistence™

Interview by Tabby Biddle

Leela Francis, Founder of Vividly Woman™ and VividExistence™, says she views the body as a source of healing and personal transformation.

Leela Francis is a powerful feminine leader helping women stand for their own life and stand for the sensual, spiritual, and creative rights and freedoms for all women. She is the founder of Vividly Woman™ and VividExistence™, both created to help women live in their sensuality, dance their power, and thrive in their life. She has launched two dance initiatives to help women survivors of wartime sexual violence rebuild their lives, and facilitates the reunion of body, self and soul for thousands of women across North America in service of women globally. Leela is passionately devoted to creating community that models the values and philosophies of the Sacred Feminine and on a daily basis helps women get into their bodies to become more deeply connected to themselves!

Tabby Biddle: Your tagline for Vividly Woman is “Dance Your Power.” How does dance connect women with their power?

Leela Francis: Dance is a profound portal of entry for a woman to the sensual wisdom of her body, the creative freedom of her mind, and the spiritual aliveness of the collective wisdom body of the divine feminine. “Dance Your Power” is both metaphoric and literal. While the act of “dance” can have wonderful benefits for body, self and soul, there are limitless ways to access that flow and freedom and authentic expression. Painting, teaching, writing, doing business, these are all dances in their own right. Dance and other expressive arts are used in the Vividly Woman programs to encourage freedom and authentic expression.

TB: How did you get into dance?

LF: I started dancing as a child. I trained as a rhythmic gymnast. I like to say that I trained as a dancer until about the age of 16. Then at 16, I really started dancing. What happened was that when I was 16, I was at a wedding with my family. My father was very much the life-of-the-party kind of guy. We were all dancing and my father ended up having a heart attack. He took his very last breath on the dance floor.

In my grief, I didn’t communicate well with all of the people around me. I was in shock, and I really shut down around my heart.

It just so happens that because I was 16, all of my dear friends were having Sweet 16 birthday parties. These were really big when I was growing up in Montreal. After the initial month-long period of mourning, I would go out every weekend to these parties and go dancing. That was exactly how I healed my grief and managed to open my heart. From that time, my life journey has been about opening my heart over and over and over again. Dance is what does that most easily and effectively for me.

TB: You have said, “When Woman connects to Goddess, we are living our personal, as well as transpersonal power.” What do you mean by this?

LF: We are walking on this earth as women, and we all have our journey and our roles that we are living out as part of the physical existence. We have our personal stories, we have the issues that we go through, and the lessons that we each need to learn for ourselves. But then there is the piece where we are learning and healing not just for ourselves. We are actually doing an enormous amount of healing for all women. When we step into the knowing of that — when we step into the knowing that we are each being used as a channel for wisdom much higher than ourselves — we are stepping into that Goddess awareness, which is the transpersonal. This means that our own personal healing can affect healing and change for all women and for all beings.

TB: How did you first connect with the Goddess?

LF: I went through a very painful breakup. I lived in a house with three teenage boys and their father. I wasn’t aware of this at the time, but in hindsight I see that it was very difficult for me to keep feminine energy alive in our household with all of this testosterone around me. Over time, I became more and more depressed.

Because nature was always something that always brought me home to myself and always brought me such profound peace, I decided that I wanted to start creating my life so that I could spend part of the year in a beautiful tropical environment. So I created a job for myself on the beach in Mexico. My partner wasn’t really comfortable with me being away from home. There was already some static between us. Then when I decided I was going to go away for five months that really didn’t sit very well with him.

So I came to Mexico with a broken heart, completely devastated. I did enormous healing with the ocean, the stars under the night sky, the sand and the warmth. I really reunited with my sacred feminine. So I guess that’s how I most profoundly came home to the Goddess in a way that wasn’t just about stories or ideas or theory, but was really about my own Goddess awakening.

TB: You have launched two dance initiatives to raise awareness and funds for women survivors of wartime violence and sexual violence. Tell me about the initiative called “Dance Your Power Daily Dance at Home-A-Thon.”

LF: This is about women making 15 minutes of dance a part of their everyday life for a month to help women in Darfur who have been violated sexually as a weapon of war and are trying desperately to rebuild their lives. Women can take part in this from home. When they register online, they agree to ask their friends, their families, and their colleagues to sponsor them and pledge a $1 a day for every day that they dance for a month.

Thus far Vividly Woman has raised and donated over $45,000 to Women Thrive Worlwide, Women for Women International, and Darfur Peace Women's Center.

When you dance 15 minutes a day, it’s going to make a difference in your own life by getting you into your body moving sensually, spiritually, and creatively — and you are also making a difference by getting a $1 a dance pledge from at least 10 people. So by the end of the month if you dance every day, you’ll have raised $300. All of that money will be donated to our sisters in Darfur who are living in a displaced persons camp. You really get the experience of what your dance actually means to other women.

TB: You have said that women dancing together can change the world. How can this change the world?

LF: The human heart is the strongest electromagnetic field that there is. It is relatively stronger than the electromagnetic field of the earth. So what that means is that our hearts have the potential to affect change and affect healing. It’s a natural function of the heart to open and also to close. There is nothing wrong with the heart closing. We just have to find ways to open the heart.

Through our initiative called Sensual Heart we do a dance practice called Radiant Heart Groove, which I created and have on DVD. It’s all about dancing with the intention to open the heart — to radiate love and extend love from our heart center once it’s opened, once it feels safe, once it feels the freedom to express its greatest potential for opening.

Sensual Heart is a community dance experience to make a difference in the lives of women globally.

So that’s how we can change the world. By coming together as a group and amplifying each of our own potential for heart opening and then directing that to the purpose of our sisters who have been violated and our sisters who do not have the basic rights and freedoms what we have. We are raising the vibration of our own body and our own power, understanding that we pave the way for our sisters.

TB: What do you think the dangers are for a woman personally if she is not in love with her body?

LF: I think the issue of not being in love with our bodies is about not really loving ourselves. They go hand in hand, especially in women. It’s pretty impossible to separate the self from the body. We identify ourselves so much with our bodies. There is good news in that and there is bad news in that.

The bad news is that our culture has this stereotypical image of what a woman’s body is supposed to look like, and if you don’t conform to that, then you often feel you are not adequate. For a woman who does not love her body, she will take that negativity and resentment and that judgment out on her whole being. She will come to equate what’s not good enough about her body with what’s not good enough about her. And of course the opposite works as well. If a woman doesn’t love herself or like herself, she’ll probably blame her body.

But the good news of being so totally identified and connected to our body is our potential for sensual aliveness, for pleasure, and our potential for spiritual connection through our bodies. We don’t actually have to leave this vessel. We can actually find a spiritual connection through pleasure and the ecstatic awakening of the body. That’s the good news.

TB: How do you think one woman not loving her body affects us on a global level?

LF: We women are mirrors for each other. Ideally we live in a world where we can trust and support and count on our sisters. Ideally we can turn to our sisters and feel safe and welcomed and that we belong. If we don’t love our bodies, which gets translated into not loving ourselves, then what will happen is that because women count on each other being mirrors for each other, that’s what we are reflecting out to the world. The issue of not loving ourselves then becomes what we are spreading.

The more that we don’t love ourselves, the more that’s going to be reflected in the bigger global issues like war, and abuse, and poverty. We are a microcosm of the bigger picture. So in order for us to really affect change, we have to do it with ourselves first.

TB: In your work, you use the term ‘sacred sensuality’. What do you mean when you say this?

LF: Sensuality is our way of connecting both with our world around us and the world inside of us. We can interpret and dance with our sensuality as just that relationship with the physical world, or we can understand it to be a portal of entry into our spiritual self, into our spiritual awareness, and into our sacredness.

That defies a lot of what a lot of us have learned around spirituality, particularly in the world of yoga. We are taught that we should not be corrupted by the senses because they bring us to our desires – and that’s evil. In the world of sacred sensuality, desire is actually a portal and a vehicle directly to the Divine, directly to Spirit, directly to our sacredness.

TB: Having worked with so many women, what do you think is most commonly at the root of women’s self-esteem issues?

LF: Self-worth is at the root. Self-worth is where it all really begins. A lot of that has to do with our culture and how society feeds women about themselves and the way women should be, and what’s okay and what’s not.

“There are three centers of vital power that live in our bodies: our sensual power, our spiritual power, and our creative power. They live in the pelvis, the chest, and the head. In most of our lives, and in most organizations, business or otherwise, we’ve been taught that our weakness is our sensuality, our spirituality, and our creativity. And because these are actually our power, we profoundly doubt our self-worth. This reflects itself in incredibly damaging self-esteem issues.”

For example, when we have feelings about things, we are told that we shouldn’t have feelings. We might be told that this is a hard and fast business issue, and that we should separate the business from the personal. Well for women it’s not that easy. I’m not saying that there isn’t a level of productive value to be able to separate those things, but it’s not realistic for women. It’s not healthy for women to think that we can do that all of the time. In fact, it’s damaging for women.

“We receive vital information from our sensual, our spiritual, from our creative centers. To have to shut those off in order to “do business,” these are very damaging to our self-worth. This is a really big part of the Vividly Woman work.”

TB: I love the name of your program “Doing Business The Goddess Way.” What is this exactly?

LF: Doing Business the Goddess Way is a once-a-month free teleseminar series that I do. Anybody and everybody is invited. It’s about supporting women to understand that the way we do business and the way we thrive in business is very different from the way men will excel in business. The sooner we understand that and the sooner we embrace that, the sooner we will be in the fullest integrity with ourselves and achieve greater success with what we are doing. We will be in alignment with our true selves as opposed to having to deny who we really are in order to survive and thrive in the world of business, which women have done for so, so long.

TB: How does this tie into Vivapreneur Academy?

LF: The series feeds into the Vivapreneur Academy, which is a 7-month business academy that I started with my business partner, Randi Markel. What’s really special about Vivapreneur Academy is that it gives women one whole month to learn one topic at a time, and for seven months you are learning, applying, and growing with the same group of sisters.

What I understand about the way women learn is, first of all, we need time to learn and to integrate what we’ve learned. In order to do that, we need to apply what we’ve learned. I think men tend to learn, or the masculine tends to learn in such a way that we can receive information and store it away and retrieve it when we need it. But women are much more hands on. We live through our bodies much more. So we have to DO IT in order to integrate it and to embody the learning.

TB: What do you enjoy most about your work?

LF: A big piece of what I absolutely love and feel so incredibly blessed about is the level of intimacy that I have with the women that I work with. Women come not only to one of my events, but pursue the entire Vividly Woman training. They really dive in and become major sisters in my life, and major friends. These are people that I think of as family and who I get to learn and grow with.

Another piece is that pretty much everything I do in my work is creatively driven. I feel very blessed that I’ve chosen, or have been chosen, to serve in the world in a way that is a creative exploration in every single way. I’m not only talking about the teaching and the curriculum development, I’m also talking about the marketing. I love all of the creative opportunities for using words, for using pictures, for using music, product development. It’s all incredibly creative.

The other piece that I love about my work is that I get to witness and facilitate women coming home to their aliveness over and over and over. I feel so privileged to be part of that.

Leela leads Vividly Woman Retreats in Mexico every winter.

TB: What advice can you share with other women about being a feminine leader?

LF: I think most importantly we have to be true to ourselves. We have to be present with ourselves. We have to develop the awareness to listen and to be able to decipher what our body is telling us. Our body is the greatest teacher we have. It is the most authentic teacher. The mind can sometimes manipulate things and make us believe certain things, whereas the body never lies.

As feminine leaders, we have to model that respect and honoring of our authentic truth. The most important way to do that is to learn how to lead from an embodied place.

Vividly Woman offers training programs for women to dance their power both personally and professionally, online and through live events throughout the US, Canada and Mexico. Learn more by visiting the Vividly Woman website, or click on the individual links below:

Dance Your Power Daily Dance at Home-A-Thon & Sensual Heart

Mexico Retreats

Weekend Workshops

Doing Business The Goddess Way

Vivapreneur Academy

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and reporter dedicated to amplifying the voices of women changemakers. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post on women’s issues, human rights, and organizations and individuals empowering women and girls. Her work has been featured by the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, Current TV and other popular media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: Dance to heal the world · Dance Your Power · Doing Business the Goddess Way · Goddess of the Week · Leela Francis · The Goddess Diaries · Vivapreneur Academy · VividExistence · Vividly Woman · women for women international · Women in Darfur · women leaders · Women Thrive Worldwide

Amanda Young is Goddess of the Week!

Dec 16th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

No comments yet

“There has been such a history of misogynistic spirituality where women have been viewed as dirty, unholy, as the temptress, or barren. All that makes a woman powerful and juicy has been stripped away from her. I want to encourage women to take that back. Not in a shadowy, manipulated-for-male-pleasure kind of way. But in a way that lets a woman know it’s okay to feed her appetite for pleasure. To be big, beautiful, and to take up space.”

– Amanda Young, founder of Urban Goddess Health; Urban Goddess Chocolate; and Urban Goddess Retreats

Amanda Young, founder of Urban Goddess, says that exploring different faces of the goddess allows women to explore all the different parts of themselves and become more balanced and whole.

Amanda Young is on a mission to help women become their most juicy, radiant, abundant, confident, sensual and awakened self! A former actress and current certified holistic health and nutrition counselor, Amanda is the founder of Urban Goddess Health, Urban Goddess Chocolate, and Urban Goddess Retreats. She is a Divine Goddess healer who is committed to helping other women discover and liberate their own inner goddess to create true vibrant health at all levels! She lives in New York City and is continually growing the community of Urban Goddesses.

TB: How did you first connect with the Goddess?

AY: When I was a teenage girl – actually even younger than that — I can remember seeing “Clash of the Titans.” That was my introduction to Greek goddesses. I think that was the first time I saw the Divine Feminine represented. I was obsessed with that movie. I just loved seeing Aphrodite and Athena. I looked up to them and thought they were really cool – kind of like Wonder Woman.

I can also remember reading The Mists of Avalon when I was 15 – reading about the fairy kingdom and Morgan le Fay. I liked seeing that in order to be powerful, she didn’t have to become more masculine. A woman could be completely feminine and be equally powerful.

Recently I read one of my first journals — I started it when I was about 15. On the first page of it I wrote, “I am a daughter of the Goddess Mother.” Then I went on about how I have this power inside of me, and I compared the feminine to the masculine. It was really striking to me to find this journal and read that. At some level at that young age I connected with the female concept of the divine.

TB: Tell me about your company name “Urban Goddess.”

AY: The concept of “Urban” Goddess came to me out of the particular challenges that modern society places on connecting to our natural rhythms and cycles. Living in the city, you’re lucky if you can ever see a star in the night sky, feel your toes in the grass, or catch a glimpse of the full moon peaking from behind a building. Those moments of connecting to nature, reconnect us to our inner goddess. But the truth is, it could just as easily be “Suburban” Goddess too because the life in the suburbs is just as artificial, if not more in some ways, than life in the city. We live in very controlled environments.

TB: You live in New York City. How would you describe the Urban Goddess community in New York?

AY: The community in New York is made up of women usually in their mid- twenties to early 40s (although Urban Goddesses are a diverse group) who are independent, creative, career-oriented, and are starting to wake up to the fact that there is more to life than a great pair of boots, being seen at the right hot spot, or making it up the next rung on the corporate ladder. They are women who are starting to feel the stirrings of their soul, and are craving more depth.

My next step in cultivating the goddess community is outreach. I am aware that most of the women I work with are privileged with a certain income level, level of higher education, and certain advantages. I am passionate about working with them because when they start to change, they are in a position to make impactful change in society and have the resources to give a hand up to those not as fortunate.

But at the same time I have been burning to bring this work to young women who don’t come from a privileged background. True Urban Goddesses. Young women who have suffered from the worst underbelly of New York City. These are girls who truly don’t get to leave the city on weekends and see the green spaces, and live in neighborhoods that don’t have health food stores, or fresh produce, and they understand far better than me the true meaning of urban life.

TB: How will you reach out to these Urban Goddesses?

AY: My vision (which may be a few more years down the road) is to create a healing garden and kitchen space for urban teen girls, along with empowerment groups. I am just starting to work with an organization in the city right now to do some workshops with the girls, and see where it goes from there.

TB: How can others helps you manifest this vision?

AY: Thanks for asking this. In the new year I’ll be looking for investors so I can get space for a kitchen and create a garden.

TB: You were an actress, and now are a holistic health and nutrition counselor. What inspired you to do the counseling work?

AY: My inspiration really came out of my own process. Nutrition and health were fundamental explorations for me in my own journey into womanhood in my twenties, and continues to be a constant discovery ground.

When I was younger I was in a state of suffering with low energy, depression, chronic infections – just not feeling my optimal self. I believed that I deserved to live a better life. Yoga, herbs, Ayurveda, holistic nutrition, and philosophy were all powerful tools in my own healing. The shift that I experienced from diet and yoga alone were astounding. I realized that simple daily choices could profoundly affect my whole experience of life.

TB: Tell me about some of the things your clients experience as a result of working with you?

AY: One of the most revolutionary radical acts you can make in our culture is to shift your diet away from processed foods toward a whole food, real food diet. When you shift away from the junky food, your antennae are so much more clean and clear. You become more conscious and aware of what you take into your body, mind and spirit on all levels. It expands into other areas of your life. You lose your tolerance for junk food media, junk food relationships, and work that doesn’t feed your spirit. Healing your body through changing your food is the starting point for everyone.

Once my clients start making these little changes, it opens the door for deep, deep transformation. There are a lot of psychologically complex issues, which influence our food and self-care choices. To make the switch towards true nourishment, these need to be unraveled and looked at. It’s deep work!

A lot of my clients laugh at the notion that I am a nutritionist. The work we do is so much more powerful and deep than they ever imagined when they first came through my office door. They thought they were going to learn some nutrition tips, but little did they know their whole life was going to be turned upside down. Many women find they quit their job, go in a new direction in their career, move, end or start relationships after working with me. It is such an honor to be a witness to this process in my clients.

TB: An aspect of your mission is to create a safe haven for women to connect as a community. Why is this important?

AY: I have always been passionate about female relationships and community. I have gone through so many ups and downs in my life, and it has always been my friendships with women that have helped me through. When women bond and support one another, in an empowered and loving way, there is an incredible strength that can be derived from that.

Most of the women that I work with one-on-one begin to feel a little isolated from their current communities when they start to shift their eating habits, and raise their consciousness. They find that they can no longer tolerate the level of unconsciousness in their current social and work communities. They often realize that their bonding has come from a place of mutual complaining and keeping each other down. Bonding in their disease — meaning getting together and complaining about men, complaining about the city, complaining about how they can’t make it to the gym, or how they hate their bodies…

Many women start to feel alienated from their social network when they start to shift into a new, healthier version of themselves. Their friends, family, and co-workers are still in the old patterns. They have a hunger for a community of women that are going through similar shifts in consciousness, who also want to bond from a place of strength and supporting one another around self care habits that support them in resonating at their highest vibration.

TB: Does this always work?

AY: The truth is that female relationships can also be very complicated. I certainly don’t exclude myself from this. We can easily fall into lower vibrations of competition, gossip, catty-ness, compare and despair. It is important to consciously acknowledge these habits, and strive to create a safe container where we can lay that down and come from our higher vibration — embody the goddess in each of us. I am very humble in this process because I am also working on healing these same places within myself. I certainly don’t pretend to say I have figured it all out. I just want to acknowledge it and consciously create the space for us all to move beyond it, and come from a mutually supportive, loving, and goddess inspired place.

TB: A major aspect of your mission is to empower women to live their most powerful life by connecting to, as you say, “that juicy, sexy, ferocious goddess within.” Why do you think connecting to the goddess is so important for women?

AY: When I talk about connecting to the goddess within, I am really speaking to women about accessing the truest part of their nature — the part most connected to source. The divine part of ourself.

The reason that I feel it is important to talk about this as her inner goddess, rather than god, is that there has been a tremendous imbalance for thousands of years in the west, where we have personified the divine only as male, as a father. Of course the divine essence is nameless, faceless, genderless, and beyond our every day level of comprehension. But as human beings we need to have words, and images to connect to the divine, that take it from something so abstract, into something we can relate to. But historically that has been exclusively a male role.

“There is an imbalance that needs to be redressed so that we can have a more full connection to this divine love. It’s like the yin and the yang. We need both. I am certainly not saying that there is no value in connecting with the divine through a male face, through the father, but I am saying, Hey, I feel like we forgot about the mother. She is really important too!”

Sometimes you want to talk to your father about certain things in your life, and he is going to give you the support you need. But sometimes you really want to talk about something with your mother. We want to have a full, well-rounded relationship to source.

It can be very healing for women (and men) to connect to the divine through this face. And for women to bring the divine within — so that the divine is not something different, something separate from self. Your breasts are goddess essence, your thighs, your vagina. All of you is sacred and divine. That is the juicy, sexy ferocious part. Understanding that you in your womanly magnificence are holy and sacred.

TB: You have an Urban Goddess Retreat coming up in Costa Rica. Tell me about your retreats.

AY: I do one-day workshops, and week-long retreats. This one coming up in Costa Rica will be a week-long retreat. Essentially what we are going to do is explore a few of the major archetypal faces of the Divine Feminine: The Warrior Goddess, The Sensual Goddess, and the Compassionate Goddess. In each of those archetypes we will explore a few of the goddesses that are associated with that archetype.

Blue Spirit Retreat Center in Costa Rica

It’s about becoming personally connected to these goddesses. I am really a fan of allowing women to have their own personal experience of that goddess energy — so it’s not so much about learning what she is supposed to be about or represent. While I bring an element of what she means in a culture, it’s more about bringing in a story and images and allowing women to start to share and talk about how those things makes them feel. There is a lot of discussion on the retreat and women sharing their stories.

Aphrodite

Then I also have certain exercises and meditations that I have developed that allow us to access a particular goddess energy. For example, we might discover that one woman at an early age really started to define herself as an Aphrodite and build a persona around it – getting male sexual attention. But then we might find that she is missing some of the warrior goddess energy.

So we’ll look at: If you want to connect with that goddess, what are ways you can connect? How can you draw her in? The exercises and meditations I have developed allow them to start to have a way that they can channel that goddess energy and use it, to have a relationship with that goddess and find her within herself.

So that’s one aspect of the retreat.

Urban Goddesses on retreat in Costa Rica

I believe that we need to get things into our body so we’re not just doing mental exercises. I have brought on a woman who has created this incredibly cathartic and healing dance form called JourneyDance. and an amazing woman who teaches yoga. It will be an incredible week of yoga, dance, meditation, goddess rituals, fresh healthy foods, surfing and relaxing on the beach.

TB: Are there any aspects of the Goddess that you have struggled with connecting to?

AY: Honestly I would say all of them. I think that each aspect has a certain shadow. A certain part that is scary. I feel like I am constantly moving through the whole spectrum of the different goddesses.

Durga

In the last year I had a huge awakening with Durga – the really powerful warrior goddess from the Hindu religion. To me, she is really about truth. She has this sword of truth that cuts through any illusions that you have about yourself. I can kind of put Vaseline over the lens sometimes when there are things I don’t want to look at. I think Durga was the one that was hardest for me because … for most of my life I think I dumbed down and I played a little more into the coquette. I always had a strong Artemis/Durga independent warrior part of me, but really I don’t think I fully embodied it. I wanted to be accommodating and make people feel comfortable. When you are embodying that warrior Durga energy, it’s all about moving through really uncomfortable truth. That’s why she looks really scary with all of these weapons and things. It’s not a comfortable process and you don’t always make people feel comfortable.

In my work I realized I’m not going to make myself very effective if I am just making people feel comfortable. They are not going to grow. Now I go in there and help them look at things that are uncomfortable. It has been a huge shift for me to take that on.

TB: How did Urban Goddess Chocolate come about?

AY: From my very first workshop I always included some chocolate. To me it was like the sacrament of the goddess. Or the “prasad.” Women have always loved chocolate. To me it just didn’t seem like a goddess event if there wasn’t some chocolate present.

Urban Goddesss Chocolate is vegan, organic, and contains no refined sugar. It is the embodiment of Amanda's philosophy that healthy eating does not mean sacrifice of pleasure and taste.

I would bring chocolate truffles from different chocolatiers, but being that I was a health and nutrition coach too, it felt a little incongruent to be serving something that had refined sugar in it. So I started to make my own — for my own pleasure, and to share.

I have always loved using my hands to make something precious and special and delectably edible for other people. Every time I make a batch of chocolate I have some of that special feeling of creating something from my heart, and my hearth to share with the world. I also find it very meditative (in a goddessy way). I play inspiring music, get into a zone and usually am dancing around the kitchen in ecstasy while I dip the chocolate. I get so excited at the unique beauty of each rose petal as I unfold it from the rose, or place it perfectly on the top of the truffle. Each chocolate is a work of art to me.

TB: It seems like more and more women are being drawn to the Goddess. Are you finding this?

AY: Yes! It’s been accelerating in the last year or two. I came up with the Urban Goddess name in 2006. At that time I didn’t see or hear a lot of people talking about Goddesses. But in the past two years, I feel like everywhere I go I am meeting women who are referring to themselves as a Goddess, or referring to a Goddess Circle, or saying “Let’s get the Goddesses together.” There is something that is happening right now where women are waking up and walking into this power.

“So many women are waking up and are part of this powerful healing that is taking place.”

Whether they use the term Goddess or not, I am meeting so many powerful women. There are just so many female healers on the planet right now. There is something extraordinary that is taking place. Whether it’s 2012 or this paradigm shift that is taking place, we can all feel it. There is an unspoken way we just know we are a part of this powerful shift.

TB: If you had a loudspeaker that could reach women and girls around the world, what message would you want to impart?

AY: You are perfect and beautiful as you are.

I think what we all suffer from the most is thinking that there is something wrong with us and that there is something we have to fix. We think there is something we have to do in order to become valuable. I think the most profound healing that can take place is to recognize that all you really need to do is reveal the truth of who you are. Each and every one of us is a goddess. We are Divine.

***

To learn about Amanda’s upcoming Urban Goddess Retreat in Costa Rica, Jan. 29 – Feb. 5, visit www.UrbanGoddessRetreats.com.

To learn about Amanda’s holistic health and nutrition counseling, visit www.UrbanGoddessHealth.com.

To learn about Amanda’s raw, vegan and organic chocolate truffles, visit www.UrbanGoddessChocolate.com.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and reporter dedicated to amplifying the voices of women changemakers. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post on women’s issues, and organizations and individuals empowering women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, Current TV and other national media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: Amanda Young · Aphrodite · Costa Rica Retreat · Divine Feminine · Durga · Goddess of the Week · holistic health counselor · nutrition counselor · Retreats for Women · Urban Goddess · Urban Goddess Chocolate · Urban Goddess Retreats

Laurie Sue Brockway is Goddess of the Week!

Dec 3rd, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

4 comments

“As a writer, interfaith minister, supporter of women’s dreams, and true fan of the Goddess, I decided to follow my natural response to my search for the Divine Feminine: I would write a book that would help other women do the same … If women can connect with the many goddesses of the world, I wondered, won’t that also help us recognize the goddess within?”

– Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, The Goddess Pages

Author, Interfaith Minister, Editor

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway has written 14 books of her own and has ghostwritten and edited 35 books. She says her book, The Goddess Pages, remains her favorite.

Laurie Sue Brockway spends her time inspiring people by day, writing books at night, and marrying people on the weekend. A former Editor-in-Chief of Playgirl Magazine and journalist specializing in women’s empowerment, Laurie Sue was called into ministry at age 40.

Between years of covering women’s stories and later leading Goddess groups, Laurie Sue has been long devoted to helping women tap into their inner power. As a minister, she quickly gained recognition as an expert in women’s empowerment, self-esteem and spirituality.

Today, in her position as a Senior Editor at Beliefnet, she has been able to return to her roots as a journalist and combine this with her training as a minister. She inspires and empowers women on a daily basis, and continues to apply her wisdom in the area of male-female dynamics, romance and relationships. What a goddess!

TB: You received the call to ministry when you were 40 years old and from there, reinvented your life. I think many women feel callings or stirrings of callings, but don’t necessarily follow them. Tell me about your calling and how you knew to follow it.

LSB: Sometimes a calling is very subtle and sometimes it comes with a somewhat traumatic experience. For me, it came through a very traumatic and dramatic experience in my life.

I had spent 20 years as a journalist, and was very focused on sexuality. I had written many books on sexual topics and sensual love. I was Editor-in-Chief at Playgirl Magazine. Then my dad died. And this changed my whole being.

In the process of his dying, I sought out advice and any information I could get on how I could help him die. I thought I was doing this to help him learn how to let go. But it was really of journey of me learning how to let go and how to accept my father’s death.

We had a number of family issues that were unhealed, and I realized that his funeral would be a time to create a healing.

I brought a couple of my goddess friends with me, and I did the funeral myself. I actually did his Eulogy. My friend Barbara Biziou did a healing circle for us, and another goddess friend of mine, Laura Norman, just held the space. My uncle had brought a minister with him, but I didn’t let him say anything until the very end.

After the funeral, he called me over. I thought he was going to tell me that I had done something horribly sacrilegious. But what he said to me was, “Have you ever thought of becoming a minister?”

TB: Had you?

LSB: No. Never. It had never crossed my mind. I was in the middle of writing a book called How to Seduce a Man and Keep Him Seduced, and was the Editor-in-Chief of a magazine called Single Living. I had just left my job 10 days earlier as Editor-at-Large at PlayGirl. Although I had never thought about becoming a minister, it was this minister saying something to me at a time in my life when I was open and more ready to experience spiritual growth that actually became my call to ministry.

TB: That is so interesting.

LSB: It was not the path that I was on. But then I looked back and realized that since I was 15 years old, I had been giving people advice on relationships. I was always the person that people talked to – the shoulder to cry on. So actually I think I had a ministry all my life.

TB: What would you say are the major differences between your life as a journalist and your life in the ministry?

LSB: Back when I was a reporter, I did not have to have both feet in the room. I was the reporter. I was there to observe. I was there to take notes. I was there to get a story. I didn’t have to be accountable for the emotions or the spirituality. I didn’t have to solve the story or the mystery.

As a minister, it’s a different kind of energy. I get a chance to be a part of people’s everyday lives — and the most significant part of people’s lives – their weddings, and sometimes the burial of their loves ones, or the memorial, or the blessing of their babies, or the blessing of their pets. So it’s a whole different experience. For me, it’s a chance to be really present and be there for people – and not just the observer.

TB: At this point in your career, you have written 14 books of your own, and have ghosted and edited 35 others. I know a lot of women who dream about writing a book, but never take the steps forward to actually do it. What would be your advice to them?

LSB: What I’ve seen in all of my years of writing books, and talking to people who want to write books, and talking to those who have written books, is that in order to write a book, you have to sit down and write it. What happens is that people get completely lost in the story of the book and the conversation of the book. They fall in love with the idea of the book. But so many people never sit down and write it.

“There is no such thing as writing a book without writing, if you want to be the writer of the book.”

It’s really fine to not write the book if that’s not what you are meant to do. But if you do want to write a book, sit down at the computer and do a page a day until you get up to two pages a day. Or do an hour a day, or 10 minutes a day. Whatever it is, you’ve got to write.

TB: You are an interfaith minister, an editor at Beliefnet, an author, a coach and a teacher. This is impressive. I know many women who struggle with integrating all the different aspects of themselves in their careers. How have you done this?

LSB: I was talking to a friend today and we were talking about how some people really like to relax, kick their feet up, and take time off, or go on vacations. I actually feel better when I am creating things. I am one of those people who really thrives on creating things.

“I feel motivated by the idea that I get to create things that I enjoy doing and there is a service to people on the other end of it.”

At the moment I have a full-time job as an editor on a major website, and I go home in the evening and I write books. And on the weekends I do weddings. I work a lot. How do I balance it all? Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it’s out of balance. I have to say that I have a really great partner, and he will say that he is responsible for all of it. He really deserves a lot of the credit.

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway with her husband Rev. Victor Fuhrman.

TB: In The Goddess Pages, you mention that having covered women’s issues as a journalist for many years, you found that one of the biggest challenges we face as women is low self-esteem. Have you dealt with self-esteem issues?

LSB: Oh yes, I deal with them every single day [laugh]. We teach what we need to learn. It’s really true. I think it was my own struggle with self-esteem that led me to write that book. It was my own struggle that led me to bring the Goddess into my life in that way, and that led me to want to bring her to a wider audience. Although I felt like she wanted me to bring her to a larger audience.

TB: Talk to me more about self-esteem.

LSB: Self-esteem is a tricky thing. Some days we are stronger than others. Some days we wake up in the morning and feel really good about ourselves and feel like we can conquer the world. Other times there are things in our lives that begin to either erode our self-esteem or challenge it. When you go through loss, for example, you are grieving, and maybe you are in a slightly more vulnerable or weakened state.

You have to have a true center that is your center. It can’t be a center that is related to somebody else because that’s worth by association. And it can’t be knocked around by anybody else. There a lot of angry people, jealous people, upset people, and even imbalanced people who might come your way. You have to have that center so that every word or every wave of energy that comes at you does not knock you down.

There are a lot of women who are just so overworked with work and family and relationships. With so much to do they just don’t have enough time for themselves to find that center. I think as women we really have to learn how to put that emergency oxygen mask on ourselves first, before we put it on another person. We have to remember that we can’t consistently give, give, and give of ourselves and then start giving away parts of ourselves without suffering. We need to learn how to say: “Sorry I can’t do that right now.”

TB: How did you first discover the Goddess?

LSB: I first really discovered the Goddess when I was in seminary school. I had learned a little bit about her before that, but in seminary school I discovered that there were goddesses in every religion. I was a little shocked that we weren’t talking about them every time the class met.

I started to explore and dig down deeper to find out about goddesses from different cultures. It was a way to kind of affiliate divinity with women. I think men automatically feel like they are connected to the Divine because there are so many images of a male divine for them to relate to. And yet, the image of the feminine divine is not as prevalent in our culture.

I think there is an opportunity to affiliate ourselves with the feminine divine in such a way to realize that we have that within us as well. But we have both – it’s the male and the female divine. I don’t think it’s one without the other.

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway officiates wedding of Denise and Jason.

TB: You have said that one of your strongest callings has been to wedding ministry. Tell me more about that.

LSB: Because I did my dad’s funeral, I thought I was going to be a minister who did a lot of funerals, but the first thing someone asked me to do was a wedding. I realized over time that I just had a very strong calling to that particular kind of ministry. I think it was a natural progression for me because I was covering sexuality and relationship dynamics as a writer and journalist.

I find it changing also. This summer I was called into a lot of prayer for people who are sick and dying. I’ve also been called to a lot of funerals and memorials. I find that I am taking more responsibility in the realm of ministry. For example, sitting by the bedside of someone who it dying, and praying with people who are really frightened.

I’m also helping people make their dreams come true, which is more of a consulting aspect of ministry.

TB: Tell me about your newest book, Your Interfaith Wedding. What do you want people to know about it?

LSB: At this point, about 37 percent of all married couples are interfaith couples. The interfaith phenomenom is not just about two faiths coming together, but it also involves cultures coming together. It could be that two people come from Catholic families, but one is from a South American country and one is from a North American country. The whole way they worship and the way everything is done is different.

I think when people get married, unless they are relying on a very standardized kind of ceremony in a church or a synagogue, they don’t necessarily know what kind of ceremony they’d like to have, and they also don’t know what’s possible.

So the book is really a collection of hundreds of ideas, prayers and blessings, quotes and insights from different traditions, rituals, and actual whole ceremonies. The hope is that people can read the book and say: “Okay, my beloved is Christian, and my family is Hindu, so if we wanted to create a ceremony where we can honor both of our faiths, and especially honor both or our families, what would be the best way to approach it? How do we make sure that it includes everyone as part of the celebration?”

It’s designed to help couples ask the right questions throughout the process so they really understand what they want to create together.

TB: If you had a loudspeaker that made it possible for women around the world to hear your voice, what message would you want to impart?

LSB: I think the most important message I would want to impart is to love yourself, nurture yourself, and give to yourself. I would say to also let other people support you, and love you, and nurture you – and don’t feel that you need to be the heroine who saves everybody. Ultimately, to keep yourself balanced, you have to get yourself into a balanced exchange of giving and receiving.

To learn more about Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway and her work, you can visit the following websites:

www.LaurieSueBrockway.net

www.WeddingGoddess.com

www.Beliefnet.com

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and reporter dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, and other national media. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post on women’s issues and reports on the inspiring work of women changemakers. She lives in Santa Monica, CA.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: Beliefnet · Goddess of the Week by Tabby Biddle · interfaith minister · Laurie Sue Brockway · PlayGirl · Tabby Biddle interviews Laurie Sue Brockway · The Goddess Diaries by Tabby Biddle · The Goddess Pages · Wedding Goddess · weddings · women editors in chief · Women's Empowerment · women's self-esteem · Your Interfaith Wedding

The OpEd Project: Amplifying Women’s Voices in the Media

Nov 18th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

2 comments

Written by Tabby Biddle

Women have opinions. But did you know that only about 10 to 20 percent of newspaper opinion pieces are written by women? Turn to the op-ed pages of any major newspaper, and you’ll see what I am talking about.

I know, you are probably thinking that newspapers are on their way out and today we have Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, blogs, and our websites to share our opinions and voices, so why do op-ed pieces matter?

“They matter for a lot of reasons. For one, they heed all other media. They drive thought leadership in America. It’s where ideas become policies and where people get tapped to be leaders,” says Catherine Orenstein, founder of The OpEd Project.

The OpEd Project is an initiative to expand the range of voices we hear in the media, with a specific focus on increasing the number of women thought leaders participating and leading the public discussion.

Ms. Orenstein explained in an interview with NPR: “If you look at the statistics, in fact, they are remarkably the same across all platforms. So if you look at op-ed pages, which run about 85 percent male, and then you took at television, political talk shows on Sunday morning, about 84 percent of the pundits are male, and then you look at Congress, that’s 83 percent male, and that’s not a coincidence. That’s a spectrum of thought leadership.”

Catherine Orenstein, founder of The OpEd Project

When we offer our opinion as women, we offer a new perspective – and in many cases, one that is sorely missing.

Take Arianna Huffington, for example. She is one woman who is not afraid to express her opinion. She shares her opinion on a daily basis on politics, business, people and power. The result? She is changing the public dialogue.

There are so many brilliant women with superb ideas and strong opinions, yet the op-ed numbers remain low. Why is this? It turns out that it’s not because women are getting rejected from the op-ed pages, it’s that they are not submitting as frequently as men.

Check out this byline survey conducted by the The OpEd Project for the week of November 12 – 18.

Source: The OpEd Project

I spoke with Tracey Trottenberg, feminine leadership and communications strategist, about what she sees as the most common reasons women are hold themselves back from expressing themselves. Here is what she told me:

“A lot of women have a fear of bragging, so they play it small or shrink themselves. They don’t want to be ‘too much.’ They’ve actually gotten used to playing small and believing the reasons they created to stay small. There is also a fear about how others will respond to them and possibly judge them.”

Then she added, “I feel also that women hold back because they’re afraid of their own strength and brilliance.”

This is something we need to get over. The fact is that the world needs our voices. With one in six females undergoing rape or attempted rape at some point in her life, two million girls disappearing worldwide each year because of gender discrimination, 70 percent of the world’s poor being women, and women worldwide owning only one percent of the property – we need to speak up.

So what will it take to get women to express their viewpoint, ideas and opinions in major news sources?

The OpEd Project has a solution for this.

Catherine Orenstein and her team at The OpEd Project travel around the country to teach women how to write and submit op-ed pieces for publication at media outlets such as the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, and the Washington Post.

Catherine explained in an interview with the New York Times: “It’s not like writing Hemingway. You show people the basics of a good argument, what constitutes good evidence, what’s a news hook, what’s the etiquette of a pitch.”

The OpEd Project is working with a range of women from top universities like Yale and Stanford, to women who work with homeless shelters and prison re-entry programs, to women who work at non-profit organizations, think tanks, corporations, and community organizations. Fifty percent of their participants are low income.

“The more women show up as leaders, the more global change we will see on the environment, education, politics, and business — the quality of life in general.”
– Tracey Trottenberg, founder of Amazing Women International

So can the power of a woman’s voice really change the world?

Yes.

When the voices on the op-ed pages aren’t reflecting the diversity of our country, it becomes just a small percentage of the population who is feeding the national (and global) conversation. If women share their perspective, we can tap into other ideas that may not have yet been part of the public conversation – and ultimately help solve some of our country’s and the world’s most pressing problems.

Learn more about The OpEd Project.

Here are two other great resources helping women become more visible and powerful in the media:

The Women’s Media Center works with the media to ensure that women’s stories are told and women’s voices are heard. They do this through media advocacy campaigns; by creating their own media; and by training women to participate directly in media.

SheSource closes the gender gap in news coverage by making it easy for journalists, producers and bookers to connect with women experts across the country in a variety of fields. SheSource is a program of the Women’s Media Center, and is also affiliated with The OpEd Project.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer/reporter dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Los Angeles Times, The Huffington Post, USA Today, NPR, and other popular media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Arianna Huffington · Catherine Orenstein · op-eds · SheSource · The Goddess Diaries · The OpEd Project · Women · women changing the world · women writers · Women's Media Center · women's voices

Queen Rania Helps Kick Off Girl Up’s ‘Unite for Girls’ Tour

Nov 11th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

4 comments

Her Majesty Queen Rania of Jordan and Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa joined hundreds of teen girls at a rally in Los Angeles last Friday to raise awareness and funds to help adolescent girls in developing countries around the world.

Queen Rania speaks with teen girls at Marlborough School in Los Angeles about how their voice can make a difference.

They told me that they wanted to make girls in other countries happier. They wrote letters to their sisters, telling them to stay strong. And they met a Queen.

The Marlborough School gym was buzzing on Friday afternoon with teen and pre-teen girls from 20 area middle and high schools. Arriving from public, private, and charter schools in the Los Angeles area, these girls joined together to kick off the Girl Up “Unite for Girls Tour,” launching a movement of girl power across the country to help their peers in developing countries.

“I was shocked when I learned that some girls in developing countries are in arranged marriages as early as 4 or 5 years old. I think that is so terrible. That shouldn’t be happening anywhere,” said Ann Marie, a senior at Marlborough School, in an interview with me at the rally. “It’s great that Girl Up is aware of this, and is encouraging other girls to get involved and help change this.”

Girl Up, a campaign of the United Nations Foundation, was developed to give American girls the opportunity to express their compassion for adolescent girls in the developing world. These programs provide girls the ability to go to school, see a doctor, access clean water, and stay safe from violence.

I was really impressed with the depth of connection the girls at the rally were making with their peers living thousands of miles away. These girls were truly moved by what they were learning and felt wholeheartedly that they could make a difference.

“We are so proud that the United Nations Foundation has launched Girl Up to give girls in America an opportunity to become global leaders themselves, and then in the meantime be supporting their sisters overseas,” said Elizabeth McKee Gore, Executive Director of the United Nations Foundation, in an interview with me before the rally. “Just in the short two months since we’ve launched this campaign we’ve already seen over 5,000 girls step up and say they want to lead by already donating their time, their money, and their voice.”

Take Olivia, for example, an 11-year-old girl from Larchmont Charter in Los Angeles, who told me she was shy. But when I asked her what she was most excited by at the event, she lit up and said: “I am excited about seeing what I can do to make these girls in other countries happier.” She then added, “I want them to know that I will do the best I can to make things different for them.”

At the rally, the girls traveled through an interactive display, with a passport in hand, to learn about what girls their same age are going through in Malawi, Guatemala, Liberia, and Ethiopia, and how they can support them.

At one station, girls were invited to write letters to their peers in Liberia. Audrey, a ninth grader at Marlborough School, told me: “I wrote a letter to a girl in Liberia and told her not to lose hope and to stay strong because, while she might be going through really hard times, if she stays strong she will be able to get through it.”

As many of these girls may not get to go overseas to learn firsthand what it is really like for their peers, the Unite for Girls Tour aims to raise their awareness by bringing them information that is otherwise is not part of their everyday curriculum.

For example, at another station, Sarah, a junior at Notre Dame Academy, learned that a girl her age in Malawi can’t go to school because she can’t afford a school uniform. When Sarah learned that she could give five dollars to help this girl in Malawi get a uniform, and that this in effect, could change her life, Sarah gave what Girl Up calls a “High Five.” She donated five dollars.

These small moments before the main event gave me such great hope for the possibilities and potential that the Girl Up campaign has to offer.

Then things got even more energized. The buzz grew louder. Girl Up Global Advocate, Her Majesty Queen Rania of Jordan, arrived at the rally.

Dressed in white, looking radiant and like the powerful feminine leader that she is, Queen Rania took the stage: “I know I’ve got the right crowd to talk to about a crisis that is unraveling in our world today. It’s a crisis affecting million of girls — girls your age — and how they are robbed of their rights, their dignity, and their futures every single day.” She explained: “I want to talk to you about how you can reach out and help raise them up.”

Queen Rania: Are you ready to help?

The girls: “YES!”

Queen Rania says that when a girl is educated, it has cascading effects. “If we can give girls even the smallest chance, girls can make the biggest change.”

Queen Rania invited girls to visit GirlUp.org, and do the following:

1. Take five minutes to learn about the issues that girls face in the developing world.
2. Share five facts through your social networks: Tweet, Facebook, and blog.
3. Send the Girl Up campaign’s Manifesto to five people, asking for their support.
4. Give $5 or more to provide school supplies or a doctor check-up for a girl.
5. Host a Girl Up fundraiser to raise money for the Girl Up campaign.

“Show the world that girls can make a difference.”

– Queen Rania

“If we give these girls here in the United States a chance to give back, to donate, to use their voice, or just go to their school and say ‘I care about this,’ we might see a new generation of what we are calling “Philanthro-Teens,” said Elizabeth McKee Gore.

The Unite for Girls Tour will be visiting cities across the United States to educate and energize girls to take action in support of their sisters overseas.

I keep thinking of what Jules, a senior at Marlborough School, said to me when I asked her what message she wanted to impart to girls her age in developing countries: “I want them to know that we are the same, and we are not as far from them as they may think.”

To support the Girl Up campaign and learn more, go to GirlUp.org.

All photos by Howard Pasamanick (except final photo by Tabby Biddle).

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer/editor dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Los Angeles Times, The Huffington Post, USA Today, NPR, and other popular media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Elizabeth McKee Gore · empowering teen girls · Girl Up · girls in developing countries · Marlborough School · Queen Rania · teen empowerment · Unite for Girls Tour · United Nations Foundation · Women's Empowerment

The Women’s Conference 2010: Maria Shriver Inspires Women to be Architects of Change

Oct 28th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

6 comments

After 7 years of leading The Women’s Conference, Maria Shriver says that she now understands that being outside your comfort zone doesn’t mean you can’t do it, you can’t handle it, or that you are powerless. It just means that you are uncomfortable.

The Women’s Conference was held October 24 – 26 in Long Beach, CA. This was Maria Shriver’s last conference as First Lady of California.

There was barely a dry eye in the arena as Maria Shriver spoke from the heart about her journey as a woman trying to find her own voice and truth. Although many of us think of Maria as “having it all” as the First Lady of California and a powerful family legacy in American politics, she revealed her struggles as a woman trying find her way. Like most women, she has been challenged to identify her self-worth outside of the labels of mom, wife, sister, daughter, and career woman – and instead find it in her truth.

The Women’s Conference this year was produced around the theme of “It’s Time: Women as Architects of Change.” This theme was intended to inspire women from all over the country to see this challenging moment in history as an opportunity to come together and transform themselves, their communities, our nation and our world.

Fourteen thousand women (and what seemed like a couple hundred men) gathered together to be educated, inspired, and empowered by the speeches and discussions of 85 world opinion leaders. Some of this year’s speakers included First Lady Michelle Obama, Second Lady Jill Biden, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, The Honorable Sandra Day O’Connor, Diane Sawyer, Eve Ensler, Mary J. Blige, Suze Orman, and Oprah Winfrey.

When Maria found out eight years ago that her husband, Arnold Schwarzenneger, was going to run for governor of California, she was not pleased about the possibility of being in the position of First Lady. “I moaned about losing my job at NBC, and what I thought was my life as a career woman,” said Maria in her opening speech at the conference Main Event. She explained how she was unsure about what it would mean to be First Lady of California, and cringed at the thought of cutting ribbons for the next four to eight years.

Fortunately Maria found the gift in the uncertainty: “Being the First Lady of California challenged me to figure out what was truly important to me.”

This led her on the path to create The Women’s Conference.

Who am I? What is my truth? What am I here to do? Maria’s questions are the same questions we all face at one point or another in our adulthood. One woman who has faced these questions in a profound way shared her story:

Eve Ensler came on stage bald, bold, and beautiful. I had not seen Eve lately in the media, and did not know the depth of her story. Dressed in a bright red, Eve poetically described how her struggle this past year with cervical cancer was linked to “the tumor of rape that is wild across the world.” She shared her own story of rape by her father at a young age, and spoke about her work over the more recent years with the women of Congo who have been brutally raped on a wide scale as a weapon of war. “500,00 vaginas violated. 500,000 wombs destroyed,” she shouted with passion.

Eve shared with the audience how for years she held her father’s badness as her own, but that she felt her surgery to remove her cancer finally removed it and burned it off. “I know now that no one will ever convince me that I am bad.”

Eve spoke about how her cancer forced her to take in love and be cared for, which, as she said, made her human. “Cancer stopped me from running, from striving, from trying to prove my worth. It stopped me for apologizing for the truth.”

She described how her struggle with cancer has allowed her to see more clearly the sick, the oppressed, and the poor – and from that, she now knows we are all connected, all one family, and that what separates us is illusion.

What kept Eve’s hope was the women and girls of the Congo. “Whenever I grew despondent or felt sorry for myself, I would think of the women and girls of the Congo who still dance after six million of their brothers and sisters have perished,” she explained.

Eve Ensler is the founder of V-Day, a global activist movement to end worldwide violence against women and girls, with a particular focus on the Congo. “I knew what truly kept me alive was the women of the Congo,” she said.

Not only was Eve’s message heard by the 14,000 attendees in the Long Beach Convention Center arena, but one million people joined the gathering through a Live Webcast. Whether attending in person or watching via webcast, the message was clear: It’s time for women to turn pain into power.

I have found one of the greatest gifts of The Women’s Conference (this is my third year in attendance) listening to other women’s stories – what they have been through, how they overcame challenges, and where they are today. As I have experienced their strength, it has awakened my own strength. As Oprah put it: “We know if one woman can make it, so can we.”

Tickets for this year’s Main Event of The Women’s Conference went on sale in July and sold out in 15 minutes.

Some other highlights from The Conference Main Event’s stage sessions and fourteen breakout conversations included:

Remarks by First Lady Michelle Obama during the opening session of the conference;

Diane Sawyer moderating a main stage conversation with legendary Supreme Court Justices The Honorable Sandra Day O’Connor and The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg;

Campbell Brown moderating a breakout conversation titled What Happens When Women Lead with Yahoo! CEO Carol Bartz, Former Chairman and CEO of Xerox Corporation Anne Mulcahy, Presiding Bishop and Primate of The Episcopal Church, The Most Rev. Dr. Katharine Jefferts Schori, and Disney/ABC Television Group President Anne Sweeney;

Gayle King moderating a breakout conversation on Building Self Esteem and Leadership in Young Women with Jessica Simpson, Lisa Leslie, Katherine Schwarzenegger and Global Ambassador for the Dove Self-Esteem Fund Jess Weiner.

Walking her talk as an outstanding Architect of Change, Maria Shriver created The Women’s Conference not only to educate and inspire women once a year, but to directly empower women 365 days a year. Under Maria’s leadership, The Women’s Conference has formed partnerships with organizations in the U.S. and abroad to develop ongoing and far-reaching women’s empowerment programs, under the title of WE Programs.

These programs have made it possible for:

• Women to get out of poverty
• Women to get needed medical care
• Women to get out of domestic abuse situations
• Women to get a college education
• Women to start a business
• Women to continue to do their work on the frontlines of humanity

Maria announced this week that The Women’s Conference’s WE Invest program surpassed one million dollars in microloans to women entrepreneurs in the United States. This is empowering women across the country to be Architects of Change.

But what about women who are still doubting their abilities as Architects of Change?

Maria agrees that sometimes along the way to becoming Architects of Change, we women can get tripped up by our personal contradictions. In other words, we tend to doubt ourselves when one moment we feel like a powerful warrior goddess and the next moment we feel like a vulnerable little girl. In these moments, we lose our self-trust.

Maria’s solution: “We women don’t need to be either or. We can be confident and insecure. Smart and sexy. Strong and vulnerable.” She shared how she has been through a process of growing comfortable with herself by growing comfortable with her contradictions.

Toward the end of the conference, I spoke with a variety of women about their experience. One woman from Los Angeles shared with me: “I have always felt like I have a lot of good ideas and now I feel it’s time to believe in them and go forward with faith in myself.”

My wish is that we as women give ourselves permission to embrace our contradictions, trust our passions, and be the Architects of Change we dream to be. If we don’t follow our calling, no one will … and that might leave our world in a pretty tough spot.

To learn more about The Women’s Conference and to watch videos from this year’s conference, visit www.womensconference.org.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Diane Sawyer · Eve Ensler · Jill Biden · Maria Shriver · Mary J. Blige · Michelle Obama · Oprah at The Women's Conference · Suze Orman · The Goddess Diaries · The Women's Conference 2010 · V-Day · women of the Congo

Re-Empowering Birthing Mothers

Oct 21st, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

15 comments

Written by Tabby Biddle

For many of us who haven’t yet been through childbirth, there’s an image we have of what it’s like: A woman is rushed to the hospital in a taxi; she gets put in a wheelchair and is rolled down the hallway in dire emergency; then we see her screaming, and yelling in pain and then … there’s the baby.

Sadly, this is the image that a lot of television shows have put into our minds, and have led many of us to believe: Birth is scary. Birth is dangerous. And it might be better if we just numb out through the whole experience.

Because so many women don’t have an image of what a natural, empowered birth looks like, there is a lot of fear surrounding the act giving birth. Accordingly, the majority of women give their inner authority over to doctors in their birth process. They trust the doctors more than themselves. The problem with this is that many women aren’t aware that the majority of her doctor’s medical decisions are being made today for monetary and legal reasons, and not necessarily for the good of her and her baby.

Here is the reality: Hospitals are businesses. They want those beds filled and emptied. They aren’t really interested in having women with long labors hanging around. And there is something else you should know: Having a baby in a hospital might not be as safe as you thought.

Did you know that the United States has the second worst newborn death rate in the developed world … and one of the highest maternal mortality rates among all industrialized countries?

You can go to any other developed country in the world, and you will find that they are losing fewer women and fewer babies around the time of birth. The important thing to know here is that in these countries, midwives are attending 70 to 80 percent of the births (doctors are there for the small percentage that have complications). In the United States, midwives attend less than 8 percent of births.

Why is this number so low?

“I’ve interviewed a lot of nurse midwives and I’ve noticed that as soon as their practice reaches over 30 percent of the women in a certain hospital, the doctor will start firing them because that’s too much competition,” said medical anthropologist Robbie Davis-Floyd, PhD, in an interview for the documentary The Business of Being Born (which by the way, I highly recommend).

Hmmmm … interesting.

The common way to have birth now is be Cesarean section. Today in the U.S, the Cesarean section rate is at an all-time high. Since 1996 the C-section rate has risen 50 percent, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

Today 1 out of every 3 babies comes into this world by C-section.

This seems like a crazy statistic. What is really going on here?

Marsden Wagner, M.D., former director of Women’s and Children’s Health at the World Health Organization, gave his opinion in an interview for The Business of Being Born: “A Cesarean is extremely doctor-friendly, because instead of having a woman in labor for an average of 12 hours, 7 days a week. It’s 20 minutes, and I’ll be home for dinner.”

Many women come to the hospital with a plan for a natural birth, but all too often their birth plan changes very quickly based on a doctor’s decision (that is not necessarily based on any real complication). For example, one friend of mine had written a birth plan with her doctor. She would be having a natural, vaginal birth at St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica, California. On the day of my friend’s birth, her doctor did not show up. So my friend was then under the charge of another doctor. This doctor decided that instead of the natural birth my friend had wanted, she should have a C-section. His reason: she was taking too long in labor.

But the doctor forbade my friend from squatting and getting on all fours (apparently against hospital policy), even though it felt so good for her and it opened up her pelvis. (FYI: When he left the room, she went ahead and squatted anyway.) My friend knew she could give birth naturally. She felt deep inside that she had the strength and power to do this. She trusted herself. But the doctor kept insisting on a C-section.

After fighting off some medical interventions that the doctor was insisting on (one of these was the “fetal probe”), and a lot of eye rolling and shaming from the hospital staff in the process, her baby was born. While my friend was happy as can be about her new baby girl, she explained to me: “The birth was something that should have been beautiful, but degenerated into something that wasn’t.”

As Nadine Goodman, Public Health Specialist, has put it: “What the medical profession has done over the past 40, 50 years is convince the vast majority of women that they don’t know how to birth.”

I have heard too many stories from friends and family members where the hospital told them that they were open to the natural birth they wanted, but then the reality was so different. First came the Pitocin to speed up the labor, then the epidural to dull the pain from the strong contractions caused by the Pitocin, and then the C-section “for the safety of the baby.”

As Dr. Eden Fromberg, OB/GYN, has admitted in an interview: “There was a doctor who used to train me who said, ‘They can never fault you if you just section them. Just section them.” In other words, the current thinking in the medical world is: avoid being sued at all costs.

“There’s the prevailing sense among doctors that you don’t get sued for the C-section you do, only the ones you don’t,” said Nan Strauss, a maternal health researcher for Amnesty International, quoted in The New York Times. Amnesty International published a report earlier this year declaring the country in the midst of a crisis in maternal health care.

The reality is that once the hospital starts with an intervention, it becomes a domino effect. They say: Thank God we were able to do all of these interventions to save your baby. But, as Eugene Declerqc, PhD, Professor of Maternal and Fetal Health at Boston University School of Public Health has said … the fact of the matter is if they didn’t start the cascading of interventions, none of the rest would have been necessary.

[By the way, putting a woman flat on her back for giving birth literally makes her pelvis smaller and makes it much more difficult for her to use her stomach muscles to push. The result: It is much more likely that she will need an episiotomy and a vacuum or forceps will be used to deliver the baby.]

Negotiating their way through the hospital environment is a power struggle that many women aren’t interested in, so they are choosing to have their babies at home.

“For most women who are having a normal, healthy pregnancy, it can be safer to have a home birth,” said Cecily Miller, prenatal and perinatal specialist living in Los Angeles, in an interview with me.

When I asked Ms. Miller to tell me more about the benefits of a home birth for expectant moms, here is what she told me:

“Giving birth is a rite of passage. It is an initiation into motherhood. If we want an empowered initiation where women are honored in the female body, and we are ushering in new life to the society, then women need to feel safe in their birth process … Giving birth is the most intimate experience we can imagine. And how we make love is how we want to give birth.”

Cecily explained to me that the qualities of making love and the qualities of the environment – dim lights, private space, intimate space – is the same conducive environment for birth. It should be a place where a woman feels she can be herself, which, as Cecily explained, is usually at home.

Sure makes sense to me.

When a woman is at home she can groan and make natural sounds (these sounds actually open up her pelvis); she can eat when we she needs to; rest when she needs to; have privacy when she needs to; kiss her partner, be held; walk around, look out at nature, and basically do what feels best for her. “The comforts of home afford a woman her ground, her roots … and then the body will naturally in most cases, open, and will give birth,” explained Cecily.

A friend of mine who had both of her babies at home described just that: “The best thing about giving birth at home was that I never had to leave my home. I could be rooted there. My husband brought me smoothies. I could hop in the tub when I wanted to. I could get on all fours … Then after the birth, I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was curl up with my baby in bed … and that is exactly what I did.”

When I asked her about her confidence level for her home birth, she explained to me that through her birth classes and her yoga practice she felt prepared. “Deep breathing, steady focus, determination, and a desire to do it myself helped me bring my babies into the world,” she said. My friend explained that when the time came, she allowed her body to take over and do the rest. “I really do believe we are all strong women. I think the whole hospital realm has brainwashed women to think: ‘Oh you can’t handle this, so we will give you drugs.’ It’s pretty sad.” Agreed. She added: “While giving birth was the most challenging thing I’ve done in my life, having my children at home was so comforting, inspiring and empowering.”

While a home birth might not be for every woman, it’s my hope that more women will consider it as an alternative to the institutionalized and currently over-medicalized environment of the hospital. As Cara Muhlhahn, a Certified Nurse Midwife in practice for more than 10 years, has said: A home birth gives the power back to the woman.

To join an online community of women sharing information, advice and experiences about home births and natural childbirth choices, please visit www.mybestbirth.com.

If you are interested in learning more about the current situation in hospitals and want to see how a home birth is so different, I highly recommend the documentary film, The Business of Being Born.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer/reporter dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Huffington Post, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, and other popular media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Health and Wellness, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Amnesty International · C-sections · Cecily Miller · childbirth · doulas · giving birth · home births · How to find a mid-wife · maternal mortality · midwives · My Best Birth · pregnancy · prenatal care · Ricki Lake · The Business of Being Born · Why Have a Home Birth · Women Speak Out About Births

Lynn Zavaro is Goddess of the Week!

Oct 7th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

10 comments

“I think we all know our country at this time is experiencing adversity and change. The majority want change and many people are reflecting on this need for change in themselves. We want to know more, we want to understand more, and we want to better ourselves. I think it’s an awe-inspiring time, and I am thrilled to be part of culture that wants to transform at this level.”

– Lynn Zavaro

Writer, Artist, and Creator of The Game of You™

Lynn Zavaro says change can only happen in the present. "When we look to the future or cling to the past, change can't happen. Change can only happen in the now."

Lynn Zavaro is a Goddess of guidance, truth, and trust in the creative process!

Through her brand, The Game of You™, Lynn has emerged as a defining voice in the art of guiding others to know themselves and create the life they want through the lens of spiritual psychology and the creative process.

She is an artist, writer, teacher, and has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology. Through an integration of her skills and life experiences, Lynn has created a book, card set, and game for others to have fun while discovering themselves on their creative life paths.

Tabby: Why is it so important to know our authentic or “true” selves?

Lynn: I believe when we develop an on-going relationship with ourselves we can have better, more fulfilling, and intimate relationships. Knowing who we are keeps us awake to our inherent true nature and what we are capable of so that we can get clear about what we want, move beyond resistances or obstacles and receive our highest good. When we know who we are and what our values are, we are reminded that we can make the most out of our lives if we make ourselves a priority.

Tabby: What have you found are some of the main impediments that keep women from knowing their authentic selves?

Lynn: Women feel a huge sense of personal responsibility. We have businesses to run or day jobs to do, we mange our families, and we look for deeper intimacy in our relationships — not only in our marriages or partnerships, but also with our friends. Because of the nature of the feminine we are more willing to look inward and develop self-awareness, and talk about our feelings. We desire self-discovery. But, since most of us are on the go and have little time to focus on ourselves, I believe our greatest impediment is finding the time for ourselves to do our inner-work and make our inner-growth and self-discovery the priority.

I also think sometimes women can fear that the process of self-discovery can be humbling, at times painful or sometimes, even too much to digest it all.

Tabby: So what is your best advice to a woman who is teetering on the edge of opening up to her journey of self-discovery?

Lynn: I would say first that this process can be fun and inspiring. When we work our tools, we discover we have more energy and a stronger foundation to do what we need to do best in our busy lives.

But I think that there needs to be a willingness to want to know more, to develop more, to understand more. Once that willingness is there, it’s sort of like the teachings and the tools begin to come to you. You start to find them in your daily life. But there needs to be an intention to want to discover that for yourself. Once that intention is there, you are then the driving force in which to make change in your life. That intention sets the action in motion.

Tabby: What is spiritual psychology?

Lynn: Spiritual psychology is a term being used more and more today by various types of people. For example, I know some rabbis and priests who are referring to themselves as spiritual psychologists. I also know many psychologists that have seen how the spiritual can take people to a whole new level in their therapy.

But for me, spiritual psychology basically teaches that we have to move beyond the cognitive mind. Our mind can be a teacher to greater wisdom and self-awareness, but many times the mind is a thief robbing us of our true inherent nature. Within the mind on the relative level, we hear voices like the “inner critic” or “judge” or even the voice that wants to tell us how important and special we are. But when we are able to connect to our true selves, we have the capacity to meet a wider, more expansive point of view. It’s like when we have an AHA moment. In that AHA moment, it’s as if the mind is suspended for a second and we meet space. It’s in this spaciousness where we can move beyond our usual limitations.

I think it’s been oversimplified giving it a label such as “spiritual.” These moments can be found in our daily lives. They can be found in meditation when we are concentrated and relaxed, but they also can be found in our creativity when we are concentrated on the creative process, or the creative unfolding of our lives.

Tabby: It is your artwork on all of The Game of You products. Tell me about your life as a painter.

Lynn: When I sit down to a blank canvas, I follow three major rules: One, to not get trapped in meaning, concepts, or identities in order to move out of the mind and into the heart of the creative process. Two, to surrender to the dragon of control, and be free, play and wild again like a child would without constraints or conditioning, and three, to let go of the attachment to the results of the product.

These rules are as important to creativity as they are to life. I go to a color that draws me and then see where it would like to go. Then, simply go to the next color. I don’t stand back and look at the painting ever. When it’s finished I put it away and don’t look at it until two or three months have passed.

But if a judgment comes up while I paint, like lets say, “It’s ugly,” then I ask myself, “What if it could be ugly? What if this was my ugliest painting EVER?” Two or three months later I look at it and think, “Why did I think this was ugly? It has so much energy.” That’s what I care about it: If it has energy then it is a true expression of me.

“Painting is like returning to the fun and play of being a child again … It is where I feel I can tap into my free, authentic self-expression with total permission to be whomever and however I want in the moment.”

Tabby: Talk more about The Game of You.

Lynn: Sure. After over 15 years on my spiritual path, I felt led to organize and synthesize the many teachings that changed my life dramatically into a fun, creative and empowering way for others to experience.

I had a myriad of spiritual, creative and psychological tools I wanted to organize in a “manual” so to speak to teach how we can make the most of our lives. Yet, I thought to myself, Who wants a boring, dry manual to refer to that will ultimately collect dust on the shelves? So I decided to make it FUN, a GAME, because that’s what life is: A big game that we learn how to play and how to move all the pieces around.

The Game of You offers a really magical support system to receive guidance and to resolve issues on all four levels of consciousness – the mental, the spiritual, the emotional, and physical. It teaches inner as well as outer tools to know our fullest potential in order to meet adversity and acknowledge the desire for change in our lives. It supports everyone, women and men, to draw upon their own inner resources and tools to truly know who they are and stand in that, empowered.

Tabby: I have played the free sample game on your site several times. Whenever I play, the cards are always SO right on. Do others tell you this?

Lynn: Yes, I get feedback like,“Wow! I can’t believe how this meets my present moment.” And then there are some who are skeptical saying things like, “Why if I flip open a card is that really going to meet where I am right now?”

What I tell people is that The Game of You card deck was inspired by the structure of the Tarot. It is not the Tarot, but it was inspired by the mystical and magical properties that the Tarot carries. I don’t like calling it the Tarot because the Tarot is focused on New Age fortunetelling and psychics, and future-focused oracle readings. This is not what the Game of You is about. The Game of You is a contemporary learning approach through the lens of spiritual psychology. It meets the current needs of people, and supports one in looking at themselves in present time.

Tabby: What have been some of the major challenges in running your business?

Lynn: So far, I have been lucky enough to experience an organic flow around the unfolding creative process of the business. I come to the business in the same way that I approach my teachings and tools in The Game of You and I am amazed by how it continues to magically build and expand because of the wide array of tools The Game of You offers to approach life’s issues. I have been very inspired by looking at business in the same way I approach any creative endeavor. I continue to feel tremendous energy and enthusiasm about the process of building this business.

Tabby: That sounds nice! What about other challenges?

Lynn: If I have a frustrating day, feel stuck, get tense or worried about a certain issue, I return back to my tools. I draw a card almost every day for myself, and if I find myself needing extra help I play with my own spreads and take the time to really work the tools. I believe that in order to teach anything, “we must walk our own talk,” so I work my tools, continuously. This not only supports me personally, but gives me the opportunity to keep updating and upgrading the tools as I work on them.

Tabby: If your voice could reach every woman around the world, what message would you want to impart?

Lynn: The message I’d like to impart is that we are all innately creative. We have the inner resources and abilities to create what we want in life. The Game of You supports women empowering themselves to do just that.

*********

The Game of You™ Book and Card Deck is scheduled for release in the late fall. To play a free sample game, go to Lynn’s website, www.gameofyou.com

You can also be guided in The Game of You™ on Lynn’s blog, where she shares insights, stories, and delicious recipes, www.thegameofyou.blogspot.com.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer/editor dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Huffington Post, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, and other popular media. She lives in Santa Monica, CA with her husband.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: Goddess of the Week · how to be your authentic self · journey of self-discovery · Lynn Zavaro · personal transformation · spiritual psychology · The Artist's Way · The Game of You · The Goddess Diaries · Women's Empowerment

Girl Up: Give a “High Five”

Sep 30th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

2 comments

Written Tabby Biddle

“Girls are born with a sense of opportunity, ambition, and spirit.”

- Queen Rania Al-Abdullah of Jordan

Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting 2010

Did you know that of all the illiterate adults in the world, two-thirds are women? This illiteracy of course is not because women are dumb, it is because many girls around the world are not given the opportunity to go to school.

Last week I spent three days glued to my computer, watching the live streaming of the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting in New York City. As an advocate for the empowerment of women and girls, I was so excited and heartened to witness conversations about empowering women and girls getting center stage. While it can be hard to face the stories and statistics of the gender discrimination and violence happening every day toward girls and women, it was so uplifting to learn about the many good people, organizations, and campaigns working to change this.

One such campaign, which had its official launch this month, is called Girl Up. Started by the United Nations Foundation, Girl Up was created to channel the energy and compassion of American teen girls as a powerful force for change. As Girl Up global advocate Queen Rania of Jordan has put it, “Girl Up is about changing peer networking from sharing movies and music, to sharing missions and movements.”

Love this!

Girl Up has found a way for girls to participate for as little as five dollars, and make a big difference with just five minutes of their time. More on that later.

“I think one of the things most Americans don’t know is that teen and tween girls in the United States are so uniquely positioned to heed this call,” said director of Girl Up, Kimberly Perry, in an interview with me last week. While many people think of teenage girls as just interested in lip gloss, boys, movies and music, a study commissioned by the United Nations Foundation showed that 66 percent of girls have volunteered their time for a cause, and 80 percent have given money to cause. Add to this, of those girls who volunteered their time, nearly three-quarters made it a group effort, bringing along their friends and family.

“Teen girls in the United States have a history with cause-related activities,” says Kimberly, who for 17 years has been involved in advocacy work on behalf of the rights of children. “I think it’s the perfect mix of ingredients for us to channel that energy, that enthusiasm, and experience of girls, and connect them to a really great cause that is just so relevant.”

I had the pleasure of interviewing one of these enthusiastic and powerful Girl Up teens: Betsy Cribb. Betsy is a 17-year-old high school senior from South Carolina who has a passion for journalism. “Journalism gives you such an outlet and platform for raising awareness about things that people may not be aware of,” said Betsy in our interview. “For example, CGI was a small audience when you look at the entire world. However, because they streamed it live online and because there were journalists covering it, we were able to share the messages that a small audience in New York was hearing with the entire world.”

Betsy was invited by the United Nations Foundation to be the sole Girl Up Teen Correspondent covering Clinton Global Initiative (CGI) sessions related to empowering girls and women in the global community.

“It is absolutely crazy to me that I am here! Until now, plans for the trip have all just been words on a page, but now I’m actually here with the Girl Up team (and my mom!), and it is overwhelmingly exhilarating,” wrote Betsy in her first blog on the job.

In her role as Girl Up correspondent, Betsy got to meet and interview some powerful and inspiring women. Some of these fabulous women included: Melanne Verveer, U.S. Ambassador-at-Large for Global Women’s Issues; Maria Eitel, CEO of Nike Foundation; Dr. Helene Gayle, President and CEO of CARE; and Geraldine Sealy, Editor at Glamour Magazine.

When I asked Betsy about what message she wants to impart to other young women around the United States, she told me:

“I think we all need to really understand how lucky we are. As a girl in the United States, you can start out from nothing, but if you work hard you can get wherever you want to go. But these girls in developing countries can work hard all day long and can do everything they can to move up in status or in the job world, but they can’t move anywhere. They have no social mobility no matter how hard they work. I think it’s important for us as American girls… to understand that we should be helping those who don’t have the same opportunities that we do.”

There are 600 million adolescent girls in the developing world that are bright, talented, and full of dreams, but unfortunately are often forgotten and ignored. In fact, girls make up 70 percent of the world’s out-of-school youth, according to the United Nations Foundation. These girls are not in school through fault of their own, but instead because of gender discrimination and poverty.

Sesuagno Mola’s life began like many girls in her community in the rural Amhara region of Ethiopia. Married at age five, Sesuagno left her family’s home at a young age. She was not allowed to attend school and had her first child at age 14. Close to half of all Amharan girls are married before their 15th birthday. Her life changed when a Girl Up-funded program came to town. Read more here.

In an interview with Matt Lauer last week on the Today Show, Queen Rania made the point: “I really feel that when you give girls the smallest chances, they can make the biggest changes.”

Amen Queen Rania. (Actually Awomen is more appropriate in this case.)

In order to raise awareness and funds for programs to provide girls in developing countries with such basic needs as access to clean water, life-saving health services, safety from violence, and resources to help them enter and stay in school, supporters of Girl Up are encouraged to give a “High Five.” This means taking five minutes to do one of the following things:

Learn about the issues impacting girls in developing countries.
Share five facts about girls and the campaign through online social networks.
Send the Girl Up Campaign’s Girlafesto to five friends and family members.
Donate five dollars or more to provide school supplies, health check-ups, clean water, and more.
Host a Girl Up fundraiser in your school, club, or community to raise funds for the campaign by challenging five friends to see who can raise the most funds for girls.

While number five will take more than five minutes, the point is that five minutes of a girl’s time in the United States can have a huge impact on her peer’s entire future.

As Betsy said in her closing blog:

“We, as American girls, are the world’s golden girls. We have equal rights, boundless opportunities, and bright futures. We have fathers and brothers that realize our unlimited potential; we have uncles and guy friends that value us. We have the ability to advocate for our friends in developing countries. We have voices that will be heard. We have the power to change the world.” We have the power to Girl Up.”

Looks like channeling the compassion, energy, and experience of American teen girls to help improve the lives of some of the hardest to reach girls in developing countries is a GREAT idea.

To give a “High Five” and get involved with Girl Up, please visit www.GirlUp.org

Please note: Although Girl Up is a campaign for girls run by girls, everybody is invited and encouraged to participate. Through your support of Girl Up, more girls will be healthy, educated, and safe. From there, these girls will be in the position to be the next generation of leaders.

Girl Up events coming right up:

Thursday, September 30: Girl Up Pep Rally in NYC

Sunday, October 3: Girlafesto Gathering in NYC

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: American girls · Clinton Global Initiative · empowering girls · empowering teen girls · Geraldine Sealy · Girl Up · girls · Glamour · Kimberly Perry · Queen Rania of Jordan · The Nike Foundation · United Nations Foundation · Women

The Clinton Global Initiative: Empowering Girls and Women

Sep 22nd, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

5 comments

Today was Day Two of the 2010 Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting in New York City. The Clinton Global Initiative (CGI) was created by President Bill Clinton in 2005 to build alliances, partnerships, and collaborations between governments, the private sector, NGOs, and other global leaders to confront the world’s most pressing problems.

The four main focus areas of this year’s meeting are:

• Empowering girls and women
• Strengthening Market-Based Solutions
• Enhancing Access to Modern Technology
• Harnessing Human Potential

As a journalist dedicated to bringing the issues of girls and women to the forefront of public attention, I will focus this article on the CGI action area of empowering girls and women.

As a precursor to a panel discussion entitled, Empowering Girls and Women, the audience of 1300 was shown an animated video that clearly depicted the disempowering and destructive cycle that goes on for girls and women in developing countries around the world.

Here is the cycle: When a girl turns 12 and lives in poverty, her future is out of her control. In the eyes of many, she is considered a woman. But is she really? She faces the reality of being married at 14, pregnant by 15, and if she survives childbirth, she may be forced to sell her body to support her family. This puts her at risk for contracting and spreading HIV, as well as other diseases.

Not the life most of us imagine for a 12-year-old, right?

The good news, as the video illustrated, is that there is a solution. Here it is: If at 12, a girl has an opportunity to go to school, has access to a doctor, doesn’t get married at 14, and stays in school where she is safe, at 18 she can use her education to earn a living. Now she is calling the shots. She can avoid being forced to sell her body in prostitution. She can avoid HIV. She can avoid poverty. She can marry and have children when she is ready, and her children then can be healthy like she is.

Now imagine that continuing generation after generation.

Around the world, girls and women continue to suffer from a lack of economic opportunity, inadequate health care and education, early marriage, sexual violence, and discrimination. Today, 50 million 12-year-old girls live in poverty, an estimated three million girls are enslaved in the sex trade, and 1 girl dies every 10 seconds from medical complications.

Did you know that one of the leading causes of death for women between the ages of 15 and 19 is medical complications due to pregnancy?

And did you know that a child is 50 percent more likely to make it to her 5th birthday if her mother is literate?

This is the power of the Girl Effect. All of this impacts the world.

When given opportunities to learn and work, girls, later women, can drive economic growth and development. For example, women are likely to reinvest significantly more of their income into their families than men. The latest statistics show that women inject 90 percent of their earnings back into the family, spending on things like their children’s education and health. Men, on the other hand, spend only 30 to 40 percent back into the family. In some countries, an increase of just 1 percent in girls’ education can boost GDP growth rates by 0.2 percent.

“So when you educate a woman, you really do transform societies,” said Queen Rania Al Abdullah of Jordan yesterday in the panel discussion. “It’s not just about doing girls a favor, it’s really about benefits that cascade throughout society and really make a huge difference.”

Queen Rania sat on the panel with Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, president of the Republic of Liberia, and Muhtar Kent, chairman and CEO of the Coca-Cola Company. Katie Couric moderated.

President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf says she has been working on increasing educational opportunities for women in Liberia. For example, many of the women who work in the market could not read. So she introduced to a literacy-training program to the market women. She says they are now feeling sufficiently strong and independent enough to stand up in community meetings and speak their minds about what their rights are. “This has given them a voice in decision-making,” she explained in yesterday’s panel discussion.

While President Sirleaf says that Liberia’s education program for women is still a big challenge, she sees the transformation happening “…when a market woman says to me ‘there was a time when conditions were so tough that I used to pray for God to take me, for me to die quickly. But now I just want to live long so I can be what I want to be.’”

I’d say that’s transformation.

Also in Liberia, sexual violence has decreased because they have implemented a tough rape law, i.e. tougher penalties for violators. Seems like a common sense solution, right? Today, there are far too many countries that don’t have laws against sexual violence, and if they do have laws, they don’t enforce them. This is a big area that needs to be worked on.

2010-09-22-RaniaAlAbdullahClintonGlobalInitiativey4uouxE3M8Zl.jpg
“We have decades of evidence that show that no country can make any progress in spite of its women. They make it with the full participation of women,” said Queen Rania. She pointed out that if you look at the past 20 years, women have contributed more to the global GDP than new technologies or the emerging markets of India and China.

“Unleash the potential of women, and that’s how you are going to stimulate your economy. It’s as simple as that,” says Queen Rania.

There is no question that today world leaders need to make investing in girls and women a priority.

While I respect that many leaders are looking at this from an economic perspective in order to stimulate interest and motivation for investment, I think we also need to find some motivation from a basic human respect perspective. Girls deserve as much respect, value, and opportunities as boys; and women deserve as much respect, value, and opportunities as men. Simple as that.

Three basic laws that should be enforced:

• Prison for rape

• Prison for sex traffickers

• Child marriage should be illegal. (The legal age for marriage should be raised to 18.)

Since the inception of the Clinton Global Initiative in 2005, more than 16 million girls and women have had access to empowerment initiatives; 50 million children have had access to education; and 75 million girls and women have had access to improved maternal health. In 2009, the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting had a special focus on girls and women. This year the topic has been elevated into its own “Action Area.”

Yesterday I posted a New York Times article on my Facebook page that discussed how families in Afghanistan are disguising girls as boys for social status and the social pressure to have sons. I wrote with my post, “This kind of thing has got to be changed!” One commenter, male, posted this response: “Unfortunately it never will.”

I disagree 100 percent.

Things can change, are changing, and will continue to change. It will take the courage and determination of many of us to continually stand up and speak up for the rights and value of girls and women around the world. We will build programs, schools, hospitals, and laws to care for, educate and empower girls and women. While massive change may not happen overnight, every step we take toward empowering girls and women matters. The deep change we want may take generations, and that’s okay. Every step we take right now will help a girl or woman today, and that’s what matters.

Here’s what you can do right now to help girls and women around the world:

Go to GirlUp.org. This program started by the United Nations Foundation is about harnessing the skills and social networks of girls in the United States to help their peers in developing countries. For example, the program allows a girl in Louisiana to help a girl in Liberia, or a girl in Missouri to help a girl in Malawi. If you go to the site, you will see there is a movement called High Five. You can donate five dollars or more to help girls go for a health check up, get clean water, get school supplies, keep them safe from violence, and more.

Go to Care.org. This organization is focused on eliminating global poverty by empowering women and girls. They have made reducing maternal mortality one of its top priorities. You can improve access to safe pregnancy and delivery services for millions of women in Africa, Asia and Latin America through their program, “Mothers Matter.”

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and reporter dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, and other national media. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post on women’s issues and reports on the inspiring work of women changemakers. She lives in Santa Monica, CA.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Clinton Global Initiative · empowering girls and women · GirlUp · Katie Couric · maternal health · President Bill Clinton · President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf · Qheen Rania Al Abdullah · The Clinton Global Initiative 2010 Annual Meeting · The Girl Effect · United Nations Foundation

How We Can Stop the Oppression of Women and Girls

Sep 16th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

2 comments

Written by Tabby Biddle

Halfway around the world, millions of women and girls are enslaved. Girls are kidnapped as young as seven and eight years old, and then sold into brothels. Young women are forced into prostitution by trickery and coercion. Why should this matter to you? And what can you do about this?

For some Westerners living far away from these women, they have assumed that prostitution is something that women turn to opportunistically as a way out of economic desperation. This is hardly the truth.

Take Meena Hasina, for example. Meena is an Indian Muslim who was kidnapped from her village near the Nepalese border when she was eight or nine years old. She was then sold to a low-caste tribe that controls the local sex trade, and taken to a rural house where the owner kept prepubescent girls until they were mature enough to attract customers.

When Meena was 12, she was taken to the brothel. When customers were brought to her, Meena fought them off. The brothel owners did not like this. “They beat me mercilessly, with a belt, with sticks, with iron rods,” she reported. They even threatened to kill her. But with each customer, she kept resisting. “Finally they drugged me,” she says. Then one of the brothel owners raped her. She gave in and stopped fighting customers.

Unfortunately, Meena’s story is all too common for young women around the world.

I first learned about Meena from Nicholas Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn, in their bestselling book, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression Into Opportunity for Women Worldwide. According to the research of Kristoff and WuDunn, they estimate that there are 3 million women and girls (and a very small number of boys) worldwide who are enslaved in the sex trade.

For the 12 years Meena was in the brothel, she says that she was beaten on average five days a week. It is common in brothels for girls to be consistently beaten until they smile for potential customers. This can send a confusing message to the rest of the world in terms of what is really going through the minds and hearts of these young women. A passing foreigner might see a girl smiling and laughing and assume she is doing this work voluntarily. This is hardly the case!

One young woman, Long Pross, was 13 when she was kidnapped and sold to a brothel in Cambodia. When she rebelled, the brothel owner punished her by gauging her eye with a metal rod. The peculiar thing is that the owner was female.

It turns out that women brothel owners are quite common. Why is this? Why are women willing to enslave, humiliate, and torture each other – and sell each other to men?

One female brothel owner in India, quoted by Kristoff and WuDunn, made it clear: “If my own daughters can be prostituted, then you can be, too.”

I hear this and think about what a vicious cycle of self-hatred there is going on for women around the world. Women beat young girls, just as they had been beaten. The acceptance of rape, abuse, subjugation, and murder of girls continues this horrific cycle.

There are those who are unwilling to acknowledge the disgrace and dishonoring of this enslavement, and argue that girls and women get a decent income from prostitution. The fact is, according to research by Kristoff and WuDunn, women and girls are often not paid. Add to this, in some brothels, girls are never let out and are forced to live without shoes or clothes for fear that they will run away. It is truly slave labor, performed under the threat of execution.

So what are the solutions?

Going to the police is not one of them. It turns out that police officers are no help because they are often “serviced” at the brothels for free. There have been too many stories of young women escaping to the police station, only to be laughed at and then beaten and raped by the people who are supposed to protect her. According to Kristoff and WuDunn, in most places around the world where sex slavery is high (such as in India, China, and Pakistan), police officers, government officials, and even religious leaders avert their eyes from forced prostitution.

I feel that as women of the Western world, it is our responsibility to speak up for our sisters around the world. I believe we can do something about this. There are already many organizations that fight sexual slavery, such as Equality Now, Shared Hope International, and Vital Voices, but in my opinion, there need to be more. I think emancipating women and girls from sexual abuse and slavery needs to be a top priority of our government. With our voices, we can call attention to the atrocities to get our government to make gender-based violence a diplomatic priority. We need to put pressure on these countries to crack down on sexual slavery, and put brothels out of business. We need to hold governments accountable to pass laws and enforce them.

Along with the crackdown on brothels, we need put pressure on governments and support organizations that offer social services for the women and girls who have been enslaved. They need education, job training, and drug rehabilitation. Because being raped and being a sex worker is so stigmatized in all of these cultures where it is prevalent, there is no place for these young women to go, and no way for them to earn money. It is imperative that we find ways to grow institutions and organizations that support these women. One successful example is Apne Aap Women Worldwide, an organization that fights sex slavery in India, and has started a boarding school for girls, partly with donations from American supporters.

A key element to keeping girls from being trafficked is providing schools for them and making education possible. Greg Mortenson’s schools in Afghanistan and Pakistan are a great example of this. Greg is the Executive Director of the Central Asia Institute and the author of the New York Times bestsellers Three Cups of Tea and Stones Into School. He has successfully established 145 schools in remote regions of Afghanistan and Pakistan, which have provided education to 64,000 students, with an emphasis on girls’ education. These girls are now working, making money, and seen as leaders, rather than seen as worthless.

Until we get this disrespect and dishonoring of women and girls straightened out, we are going to have a long way to go to create world peace. I believe it is this abuse of the feminine that holds us back. Without taking responsibility for abusing the Divine Feminine, we are killing ourselves internally and externally. Look at what’s happening to Mother Earth, for example. She is being raped just as the women and girls are around the world. We keep taking from her, expecting her always to give back, but soon she will not. Her anger and hatred will be so strong, that we will destroy ourselves.

If we continue to allow the torture and subjugation of girls, we will be continually creating circumstances for hatred and war. Instead, we need to use our energy to create a global movement to emancipate women and girls from sexual slavery. This movement gains momentum each time someone joins in.

Here are 3 steps, recommended by Kristoff and WuDunn, that you can take in the next ten minutes:

Go to www.kiva.org and open an account. Kiva connects you to the women who need you. You can lend a woman money to start her own business, creating economic independence for her.
Sponsor a girl or woman through Plan International, Women for Women International, or World Vision. By sponsoring a girl or woman, you can lift them out of poverty and make a HUGE difference in their lives and the lives of other girls and women.
Join the CARE Action Network. As Kristoff and WuDunn explain: This will assist you in speaking out, educating policy makers, and underscoring that the public wants actions against poverty and injustice.

These are first steps. The next step I would recommend is to read Half the Sky and hear the stories from women and girls about what’s really going on, then blog or write about it like I am doing now. The more that we tell each other about what’s going on in the world, the more it creates opportunity for us to create change in the world.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Angelina Jolie · empowering women and girls · Greg Mortenson · Half the Sky · Kiva · Melinda Gates · Nicholas Kristoff · sex trade · sexual slavery · Sheryl WuDunn · Three Cups of Tea · trafficking of women and girls · violence against women · Women · women for women international

Cecily Miller is Goddess of the Week!

Aug 26th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

8 comments

“I believe the health of our families and society depends on us paying attention to the beginning, to the starting point of life. This means expectant moms must have proper education, support and resources. If we want a peaceful world, we have to have peaceful moms and babies … happy, healthy moms and babies make peaceful homes. We can birth a peaceful culture one family at a time. This doesn’t just happen by magic. It requires conscious effort.”

– Cecily Miller, M.A., Holistic Pregnancy Specialist & Educator

Founder of Baby Welcoming®

Cecily Miller is a Holistic Pregnancy Specialist & Educator, and the Founder of Baby Welcoming®. She says babies and children are sentient: keenly aware, sensitive, and feeling. Babies implicitly absorb and obtain their multi-sensory experiences and perceptions from the womb into adulthood.

Cecily Miller, M.A., is dedicated to educating and empowering women from conception through birth to foster the development of healthy, secure, confident children. She advocates for the emotional well-being of pregnant women, optimal prenatal development, and early-parenting. “If we are to foster healthy world citizens who comprise a coherent society then it is our responsibility to proactively develop and raise babies and children from a base of secure attachment,” she says. Cecily has a Masters Degree in Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology, and is completing her Ph.D. in Transformational Education. She works to educate and empower women along the motherhood continuum locally, nationally and internationally. What a goddess!

TB: What does it mean to be a holistic pregnancy specialist and educator?

CM: Pregnancy is an amazing transformation on every level of a woman’s experience – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The body-mind-spirit transformation of pregnancy is not meant to be done in isolation, but with safe, accepting, skillful support. Nature gives us about nine months to transform into a mother — to embody a new archetype, to expand our identity, to earn our mama chops by facing intense fears, to soften, let go of control, savor and celebrate this profoundly challenging and loving period. This is a turning point in life that determines the trajectory of a child’s life and the lives of the expectant parents. Most women and partners I speak with want to do parenting differently than how they were parented. But HOW? is their big question and concern.

The work I do as a prenatal consultant and educator is about 50 percent education and 50 percent therapeutic healing. There is so much that women deserve to be and need to be informed about in terms of choices around fertility, pregnancy, and birth for their own physical, mental and emotional health – as well as the baby’s physical, mental and emotional health. I educate in terms of what is relevant for each woman’s situation, and then of course the therapeutic healing is unique to each person as well.

TB: Tell me more about the therapeutic healing aspect of your work.

CM: When a woman is considering becoming pregnant, while she is pregnant, as she nears birth, and during birth – the body’s memory of when she was a baby — her implicit memories of her own prenatal and birth experience – hopes, fears, concerns that her mother thought and felt – these tender, vulnerable, evocative experiences come to the foreground of her consciousness. As a result, they start to filter her perceptions and drive her choices and actions.

I help women to differentiate between what could be implicit memories that are coming up of confusion and fears stemming from their own babyhood, and/or societal pressures, misperceptions and myths – and we gracefully, and effortlessly – with so much safety and comfort – take a look at this. We parse it out. What happens each time, which is still awe-inspiring to me, is tremendous relief for women. Once we differentiate the parts (as if unpacking a box of stuff in a closet), we link and integrate the different pieces into a newly organized whole. It is then that a woman has the ability to see and really feel the difference between what was and what is. It provides great freedom for her to make new choices.

TB: Facing some of that material seems like it could be very intense.

CM: Yes, the subject is intense, and the period of time in a woman’s life is intense. But when I am working with someone, the quality of feeling is not intense. It is loving, nurturing, and so safe and accepting. We laugh. There is a joy and an optimism that gets accessed and birthed in each session. And confidence begins to build as we genuinely look at and take care of the fears and the concerns. When women come and work with me, it’s like they come and take refuge. It’s like they finally have someone they can let go with, and say the unspoken fears and feel loved and accepted, and get education and support. And they always hang up the phone or leave feeling empowered, inspired, and more confident.

TB: You mentioned hanging up the phone. You do phone sessions?

CM: Yes, the phone is really effective. The phone sessions are equally, if not more powerful than in person. I work locally, nationally and internationally with women on the phone. Most of my work is actually done by phone.

TB: What if someone wants to work with you in person? Is that possible?

CM: Yes. For local one-on-one sessions, we decide on whether we will work in person or on the phone. In terms of working with groups, I’ll be teaching a workshop this fall in LA at The Sanctuary Birth and Wellness Center, called Prenatal Parenting: How to Nurture the Bond with Your Baby. I am also hoping to develop a class series for pregnant women in the LA area that will take place at the Well Baby Center. The dates will be announced soon on my website.

Coming up this Saturday afternoon, I will be a presenter at the Healthy Mom & Baby Event at Pharmaca in Pacific Palisades. I’ll be offering mini-lessons of mindful touch and baby massage, plus a sample Prenatal Dance class! And in November, I will be moderating a panel discussion, Leaders From Birth, at the Leaders Causing Leaders conference in Long Beach, CA. I am presently putting together workshops for 2011 and 2012, and encourage anyone to contact me if they would like me to bring my Super Mindful Mama workshop to their center.

TB: How did you get into this work?

CM: About 20 years ago, I had a few different professional paths I could choose – all related to children. I was having trouble choosing. In a way, I surrendered and asked that it become really clear the path that would make the best use of my sensibilities and who I am. That’s when this field came to my attention. I became aware that my path was about assisting new children. That came to me in a meditative state and would repeat over and over. Now what that actually means has been unfolding all those years since. It’s been a journey through specializing in working with the preschool-age child, caring so much for children and the well-being of children, seeing children’s spirit and their dignity get damaged unnecessarily, and watching children be misunderstood unnecessarily. I decided I wanted to be part of the solution.

TB: You have a degree in Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology. Tell me about this field of study.

CM: Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology is about 20 years old. The field developed from a major discovery by doctors that is just getting into our cultural awareness. That is: Who we are starts at the very beginning, in the womb. The earlier viewpoint was that babies are not sentient, that babies don’t feel, that babies don’t remember. The thought was that their brains are not fully developed, so they are not sentient. Babies were even operated on post-birth with no anesthesia. That’s how intense the viewpoint was that babies don’t feel or remember.

Based on research and literature reviews, it’s now evident and proven that babies are sentient and that they do remember. It’s just that there are two different types of memories – implicit memory and explicit memory.

So now what we know is that all of us remember that period of time, but it’s in our body memory, it’s in our psyche – it’s in our soma. And that development casts a blueprint on our entire life to come — the quality of our experience of ourselves and our relationships. So what actually becomes developed, and what remains dormant and doesn’t get developed in our nervous system, in our brains, in our organs, and in our genes in the prenatal period, is what we have to work with the rest of our life. So this field is really a major shift in understanding how we become who we are.

TB: So it seems clear that the state of a woman’s mental and emotional health is really important for the development of the baby.

CM: Yes, for example, if a mom is in chronic stress, that baby is going to develop differently than with a mom who is feeling buoyant, confident, courageous, and supported.

TB: Speaking about stress … You produced a CD called ” A Prenatal Lullaby” to reduce stress for moms. Tell me more about that.

CM: I produced my CD because I want women to have something accessible and affordable at their fingertips for soothing and centering. Sound can have profoundly positive effects on maternal health, prenatal development and family happiness. Sound and singing are an effective way to help people go into deep relaxation, listen to their inner life, and place their attention on connecting with their baby. Intentional music, singing and toning helps us regulate the nervous system so we can feel calm, centered, receptive, and available. The goal is not to have an idealistic pregnancy — which is impossible — or become an ideal mom — and what does she act like, exactly? — it’s about the capacity to navigate life with the stressors and be able to choose to reset one’s system and re-center one’s self. That’s what that CD is for.

TB: You are in the process of completing your PhD. Tell me about this.

CM: I’m finishing my doctorate in Transformational Education. My aim is to help transform the education of parents, specifically mothers, to serve their babies and budding families. I’ve had the privilege to continue learning about the science of mind, our interpersonal neurobiology and early attachment circuitry, and healing directly from Dr. Dan Siegel, author of Parenting from the Inside Out and Mindsight.

TB: If you had a loudspeaker that could reach every woman around the world, what message would you want to impart?

CM: That it’s every woman’s birthright to have her dignity, her vision, and her resiliency intact – and to respect with kindness and compassion wherever she is on her life’s journey in relationship to these things.

I also want to impart that the essence, beauty and power of “Ma” or “Mother” is a part of the knowing that every woman has, and the belonging to that every woman has … the Divine Feminine.

Finally, I’d like to honor in every woman that being a mother and mothering is not only in association with having a child. It is in every woman’s power to gestate and birth, nurture and grow her life, herself, her creativity.

If you’d like to contact Cecily about working with her, or invite her to bring her SUPER MINDFUL MAMA workshop to your center, please contact her at cecily@baby-welcoming.com. To learn more about Cecily and her work, please visit www.baby-welcoming.com.

Cecily’s CD, A Prenatal Lullaby, can be purchased on her website.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: A Prenatal Lullaby · Baby Welcoming · Cecily Miller · empowered pregnancy · Goddess of the Week · moms-to-be · postnatal care · pregnancy · Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology · prenatal care · prenatal education · prenatal psychology · prenatal yoga · The Goddess Diaries · The Sanctuary Birth and Wellness Center · Well Baby Center

Attention Women: Being a “Good Girl” Comes with Risks

Aug 19th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

2 comments

Written by Tabby Biddle

What happens when a woman doesn’t use her voice to express herself fully? I have been thinking a lot about this question lately, and have been struggling with using my own voice in a way that feels aligned with the bigger picture that I feel inside of me. For those who know me, you might think this sounds silly since I am expressing myself all of the time – through writing, social media, and basically living life as a “talker.” But the reality is that I feel there is so much more inside of me not being expressed … and I wonder how many other women are going through this same thing?

Dr. Marcy Cole

I spoke recently on this topic with Marcy Cole, Ph.D., a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Los Angeles. Marcy is also the Executive Director of First Tuesday USA, a women’s group dedicated to creating a community of extraordinary women through social connectivity, professional networking and social service. I met Marcy through First Tuesday, and recently asked her if I could to tap into her expertise as a psychotherapist to learn more about what keeps us, as women, from expressing ourselves fully. Why are we blocked?

Marcy told me that she sees two primary common blocks: First, she says, we are blocked because we are disconnected from who we are. “As women, if we have not yet come to know, appreciate and love ourselves, it is impossible to truly access our authentic voice and determine what we are here to share with the world,” says Marcy. Second, according to Marcy, is that for many women the locus of control is “other-directed” versus “self-directed.” “When the focus is on pleasing others in order to gain acceptance and affection, there is a consequential fear of losing admiration, respect, and ultimately love if we do express our truth,” she says.

But why are we, as women, so focused on the “other”? Are men also hung up on what others think?

Dr. Louann Brizendine

According to Louann Brizendine, M.D., a neurobiologist and psychiatrist at the University of California, our distinct female biology provides an explanation of why we are so focused on the “other.” In her bestselling book, The Female Brain, she examines the roots of female brain development. “Baby girls are born interested in emotional expression. They take meaning about themselves from a look, a touch, every reaction from the people they come into contact with. From these cues they decide whether they are worthy, loveable or annoying,” she says. In her book, Dr. Brizendine points that compared to the male brain, the female brain has a larger communication center and a larger area for processing emotion and reading social cues. In short, the female brain is wired to value communication, connection, emotional sensitivity, and responsiveness more than the male brain.

The result?

“Whether or not she is being listened to will tell a young girl if others take her seriously, which in turn goes to the growth of her sense of a successful self. If she does not connect, her sense is of an unsuccessful self,” says Dr. Brizendine.

In an interview with Catherine DeMonte, LMFT, a licensed marriage, family and child therapist in Calabasas, CA, I learned more about what holds women back from expressing ourselves. In her work, she has found a common theme that when

Catherine DeMonte, LMFT

women shared their voice and their gifts as young girls, they were often told they were “bratty” or “showing off.” Sound familiar? Catherine explained that this was often internalized as, “If you don’t want to hear from me, then I’ll just be quiet.”

She has found that men, on the other hand, more commonly took a different attitude in response to being criticized as boys. Instead of getting quiet, they got loud. “Men tend to act out, and women tend to go in,” says Catherine, who also leads a women’s group called “Women Living Fully Out,” to help women fully express themselves.

I ran across a video recently on Facebook that shows very clearly one reason why it is so important express ourselves. Did you know that in order to be polite and be a “good girl” many women never question a doctor’s advice or get a second medical opinion when surgery is recommended? The result of this is not always so nice. Check out the video here.

Dr. Christiane Northrup

Along with surgical risks, if a woman does not express herself fully, there can be mental and emotional health repercussions … later leading to physical disease. “Many illnesses are quite simply the end result of emotions that have been stuffed, unacknowledged, and unexperienced for years,” says Christiane Northrup, M.D., specialist in women’s health and author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom. “Unexpressed emotions tend to ‘stay’ in the body like small ticking time bombs,” she says. “They are illnesses in incubation.”

In addition to our own health risks, there may be planetary consequences as well. As Dr. Cole puts it: “Women are natural nurturers, healers, intuitives, creators, visionaries, and peace makers. When we dis-empower ourselves by withholding our voices, we ignore the call for feminine leadership that is absolutely crucial for this planet at this time.”

While we may feel it is risky to speak our truth for fear of being mocked, rejected, or ostracized, there may be some more serious risks on the table if we insist on remaining the polite “good girl.”

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Women & Girls.
Tagged: Catherine DeMonte · Dr. Christiane Northrup · Dr. Louann Brizendine · feminine leadership · First Tuesday USA · good girl behavior · Marcy Cole · The Goddess Diaries · women speaking up · Women's Empowerment · women's voices

Catherine DeMonte is Goddess of the Week!

Aug 13th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

7 comments

Catherine DeMonte, LMFT is a marriage, family, child therapist with a private practice in Calabasas, CA. She says she sees deep psychotherapy work as being like taking bricks out of a wall. "If each brick was a wound, we take the bricks out one-by-one and come back to our most authentic self."

Catherine DeMonte, LMFT is helping women ignite their inner goddess! As an extension of her private practice in psychotherapy, she leads groups for women called “Women Living Full Out” and “Ignite Your Inner Goddess.” How awesome is this!

“My work is about bringing people back to their most authentic self. This means being true to who they came in as,” she says.

Catherine combines her 20 years of expertise as a psychotherapist with her passion for all things Goddess, to help women live in their full potential. “I love seeing women blossom and find their true Goddess Selves and feel honored to help them facilitate that in their lives,” she says.

TB: What inspired you to start a class for women dedicated to “igniting their inner goddess?”

CD: I first started thinking about women as Goddesses outside of my work. Instead of dinner parties or birthday parties, I used to throw Goddess parties that celebrated my girlfriends. I would gather my closest girlfriends together and we would dress in long, flowy things [laugh]. There were lit candles everywhere and we would give gifts to each other. For example, I know sign language. So one time, I signed a song to them as a gift. Someone else went around and did foot massages for each woman. These parties were so beautiful. Doing these parties in my home led me to then think in terms of doing this in my work. Of course I don’t have people do foot massages or readings in my office [laugh]. The way I bring it to clients is different.

TB: Tell me more about that.

CD: My work I feel is about bringing people back to their most authentic self. This means being true to who they came in as. When we come back to that, it is amazingly beautiful. In my mind, that is what a goddess is – somebody who is not afraid to use her voice, not afraid to show up in the world, not afraid of using her gifts, and her self-talk is kind. I realized that is what people were getting from my work. People were coming back to their most authentic self – and I realized, “That’s the Goddess.”

TB: What is some of the methodology you use to help people get back to their most authentic self?

CD: My psychotherapy is about healing the inner child and about knowing our truth. For me that includes recognizing our stories and the things we were told – and what was not true. In other words, the things that were our parents’ stuff, or the things we picked up in society. My work is about letting people go back to that time and readdress it.

I sometimes will have the adult client imagine holding the little girl they were at the time of a hurt and just rock them and have them talk. Then the adult self with all the wisdom they have now from having grown up, will look back and share with the child that those feelings she has make sense. I believe that what creates a wound is that no adult said to the child, “You didn’t deserve that.” Or “That was not fair.” For example, if a dad said something really mean to his child, or beat his little girl. If the mom, however, says, “I see it and it’s not okay,” that will shift how it lands in that little girl. But if no adult says anything, then she thinks, “I must deserve this.”

Adults are like God when we are little. Not only will we interpret the situation as “this is how the world works and I am going to start expecting it to go like this,” we also interpret it as “it must be that I deserve it.”

What I have my clients do is write down what they told themselves at the time. Then, even though it’s them (their adult self), saying to their inner child, “You didn’t deserve that,” it’s amazing how much that heals. When we shed the things that aren’t true about us, we do healing. And when we do our healing, we come back to our authentic selves.

TB: You are holding very powerful space as a psychotherapist. What are some important leadership lessons you have learned in terms of holding space for women so that they can return to their most authentic selves?

CD: For me, it required a lot of my own inner work. To step into the role of leading other women, I had to know that it was okay to show up. I had to do a lot of my own work around my birth story and the messages I took in growing up. Doing my own work got me in touch with how much I was living with a mask, and how much I was playing small in order not to threaten anybody else. So the more work I did, I not only discovered that it was more fun to live in that place, but also started getting feedback from others like, “There is something different about you,” or “You have good energy.” In other words, they were saying things what were indicating that I seemed comfortable in my own skin.

It took a lot of shedding layers to get that comfortable. I think that was what enabled me to know that it was okay to step into that role of inviting other women into that place. I don’t think I could have done that had I not done my own work.

TB: What is one major obstacle you have moved through?

CD: I used to be afraid of showing up “too big.” You know that Marianne Williamson quote about how it’s not our darkness that we are afraid of, but our light? I think that I embodied that big time. For me, it was that somehow showing up fully was going to be threatening. I had to recognize that playing small was not only not serving my Highest Self, but also keeping me from serving the people I could be reaching. In other words if I stayed playing small, I would have fewer clients and do less powerful work with the ones I have.

TB: In your work, what do you find is the biggest block for women to use their voice?

CD: I would say a little girl raised with shame and criticism when she spoke is how we learn how not to use our voice. It can show up as simply as a little girl saying: “I’m hungry.” And her mother says, “How could you be hungry? We just ate.” Or the little girls says, “It’s cold in here.” And the parent says, “Cold? It’s not cold.” In other words, the girl’s feelings are denied. It’s often bigger than these examples, but it can be as little as these. The girls then thinks, I don’t know my own feelings. And when I speak them, I get put down. That’s a very subtle way we learn not to use our voice, but oftentimes it’s much more overt than that.

I know when I was growing up, I had an aunt who said: “Children should be seen, not heard.” To hear things like that made me, and I have heard the same from a lot of other women, that they don’t have a right to speak out. In fact, my clients have reported that when they shared their gifts as young girls, they were often told that they were “bratty” or were “showing off.”

TB: You work with male clients too. Do you find that there is a difference between men and women on this issue of using their voice?

CD: I do. My male clients were often brought up by fathers who criticized them. But for some reason it doesn’t show up for them as, That makes me afraid to use my voice. For those men I have seen that were raised that way, they got very loud … because men tend to act out, and women tend to go in. So they had more of a tendency to have the attitude of, Dammit I’ll be heard. For women, instead it’s: If you don’t want to hear from me, I’ll just be quiet. We kind of acquiesced and got quiet. While boys and girls may have gotten the same message, I think it shows up in the opposite way in terms of their behavior as adults.

TB: What inspiration do you want to share with women to encourage them to use their voice and allow themselves to be seen and heard?

CD: When women come from this place of recognizing their own strength and beauty and allow their gifts to shine, they will find that what comes back to them is so incredible. Before you step into this place, you have no idea how giving this place is – how benevolent people can be. People will step forward and want to assist you, provide for you, and give to you. People will say kind things. It shifts how you see things and what you attract when you step into this place. People will be drawn to you, but they won’t know exactly what it is that is drawing them to you. It’s like the “It Girl” of the 40s. People know there is something about an empowered woman, but they won’t necessarily know what “It” is. That’s what stepping into a being a Goddess provides as well. It’s just such an incredible place to come from.

TB: Do you think when a woman does this, it has a ripple effect?

CD: Yes, I think it will make a difference on the planet if we come from this place. We will treat each other differently … more kindly. We will treat ourselves better. It’s a calmer place to come from and live in.

To learn more about Catherine and her goddess work, visit www.catherinedemonte.com.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Goddess of the Week.
Tagged: Catherine DeMonte · Goddess · Goddess of the Week · healing the inner child · Ignite Your Inner Goddess · Marianne Williamson · psychotherapy · Women Living Full Out · women's voices

Postpartum Sexuality – How to Get Your Sexy Back

Aug 5th, 2010

by Tabby Biddle.

3 comments

Written by Tabby Biddle

Kimberly says her passion for building and nurturing a community of women through sacred practices arose out of an intense healing journey that began with the birth of her daughter.

As a woman who has not yet gone through the childbirth process, I approach this topic with awe and respect for the women who come before me. I was introduced to the importance of addressing postpartum sexuality by Kimberly Johnson, a yoga teacher, doula and Rolfer, who is passionate about postpartum recovery and how the interface of yoga and bodywork can be instrumental in the healing process. Kimberly, mother to a three-year-old girl, says that not only is bodywork important to help postpartum women heal low back pain, sacral pain, and hemorrhoids – common conditions for women after childbirth – but also to help them heal pain during sex.

Before meeting Kimberly, I had no idea that from C-sections to natural vaginal delivery, many women are experiencing painful intercourse in the postpartum period. Now it seems like common sense, but is something I had not considered.

Ellen Heed says she is troubled by the lack of information women have regarding the long-term effects of scar tissue on sexual wellness.

“Usually this pain is coming from scar tissue as a result of surgery, episiotomy or tearing during the delivery of the baby,” says Ellen Heed, expert in postpartum sexuality and a healer. Ellen is also a Sexological Bodyworker, which means she can go everywhere an OB-GYN can go, but with a hands-on healing intent. Through her work, Ellen has helped heal many women who have been suffering from birth injury, including Kimberly.

Over the last year, Ellen has been working on a project to determine how best to

help women “get their sexy” back after childbirth. She has been collaborating with Jaiya, world-renowned sex educator and a fellow sexological bodyworker. The two

Jaiya says that it is essential for women to make time for themselves if they want to reclaim their sexuality after childbirth.

women have worked both hands-on and in interview format with 25 women who have shared their birth stories, sexual and psychological histories, stories of physical trauma during the birth of their children, and the effects of scar tissue on their sexual lives. “We have found that when a woman sustains an injury during childbirth, due to a tear, an episiotomy, or C-section, working physically with the scars is the fastest route to getting physically comfortable with sex again,” explained Ellen in an interview with me.

But how can one work physically with the scars?

Sexological Bodywork, a profession made accessible in California by somatic sex educator, Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., allows a practitioner, like Ellen, to work with a woman to physically resolve the scars. “I resolve scar tissue through hands-on work,” explains Ellen. “I apply castor oil to the scar and move the tissue and find where the tight places are, and physically manipulate those tight places until they begin to let go.” She said that what also seems to be important is the non-judgmental quality of attention and touch as, what she calls authentic witnessing, occurs. Authentic witnessing in this case could be described as physical contact without a sexualized agenda, but with a healing intent. “This creates a sense of safety for the client that often eludes traditional talk-only therapies,” she says.

Jaiya is one of the women who Ellen has helped. “I had a second degree tear that resulted in traumatically painful intercourse — worse than giving birth by far,” explained Jaiya in an interview with me. She said that thanks to Ellen, she is scar free and without pain.

While birth injuries are a major reason for women to lose interest in their sex life after their child is born, another common theme seems to be an overall loss of libido. “They suddenly have no desire for their partners and have no idea why,” says Jaiya. This has a lot to do with the hormone Prolactin which is produced when a woman is breastfeeding, Jaiya explained to me.

And for those women who have a libido and aren’t having any pain? There is still the problem of finding the time and energy after the baby for cultivating a healthy sexual relationship with their partners.

“We have seen too many relationships falter when the overwhelming demands of a new baby meet chronic sexual pain in a mother due to scars from birth injuries.” – Ellen Heed

I have to admit that this doesn’t sound too appealing to someone who has yet to go through the birthing process.

The good news is, however, that now there is help available to easily and quickly address scar tissue and the pain it causes and also improve communication skills with your partner that can create new closeness and intimacy in the relationship. This is the work that Ellen and Jaiya do.

“Sexological Bodywork has returned full erotic pleasure and function to many women who have suffered the effects of scar tissue from both vaginal tearing and C-section deliveries,” says Ellen. “I am optimistic that this is going to provide a new window of hope for a lot of women who otherwise might give up.”

For more information about Ellen and her work in postpartum healing and sexuality, visit www.ellenheed.com.

For more information about Jaiya and her work as a sex educator, visit www.newworldsexeducation.com.

Ellen and Jaiya also have a website together specific to Postpartum Sexuality. Please visit www.reclaimsex.com.

Share this post:

Posted in: All Goddess Diaries, Health and Wellness.
Tagged: breastfeeding · C-section · childbirth · Ellen Heed · how to get your sexy back · Jaiya · Kimberly Johnson · pain during sex · postpartum recovery · postpartum sexuality · scar tissue · sexological bodyworker · The Goddess Diaries · vaginal birth · women's sexuality · yoga and childbirth

Categories

Archives

The Goddess Diaries

Alexandra Jaye is Goddess of the Week!

The New ‘Smart’

The Sexual Future of Women & Girls

Nitika Chopra is Goddess of the Week!

Katie Orenstein is Goddess of the Week!

Leela Francis is Goddess of the Week!

Amanda Young is Goddess of the Week!

Laurie Sue Brockway is Goddess of the Week!

The OpEd Project: Amplifying Women’s Voices in the Media

Queen Rania Helps Kick Off Girl Up’s ‘Unite for Girls’ Tour

The Women’s Conference 2010: Maria Shriver Inspires Women to be Architects of Change

Re-Empowering Birthing Mothers

Lynn Zavaro is Goddess of the Week!

Girl Up: Give a “High Five”

The Clinton Global Initiative: Empowering Girls and Women

How We Can Stop the Oppression of Women and Girls

Cecily Miller is Goddess of the Week!

Attention Women: Being a “Good Girl” Comes with Risks

Catherine DeMonte is Goddess of the Week!

Postpartum Sexuality – How to Get Your Sexy Back

Stay Connected:

Search

Topics

Recent Posts

Most Popular Posts

Proud Supporter of:

Calendar

Pages

Meta



Sign up for FREE subscription to The Goddess Diaries: Email:

May 2012
M	T	W	T	F	S	S
« Apr
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
28	29	30	31