Postpartum Sexuality – How to Get Your Sexy Back

Written by Tabby Biddle

Kimberly says her passion for building and nurturing a community of women through sacred practices arose out of an intense healing journey that began with the birth of her daughter.

As a woman who has not yet gone through the childbirth process, I approach this topic with awe and respect for the women who come before me. I was introduced to the importance of addressing postpartum sexuality by Kimberly Johnson, a yoga teacher, doula and Rolfer, who is passionate about postpartum recovery and how the interface of yoga and bodywork can be instrumental in the healing process. Kimberly, mother to a three-year-old girl, says that not only is bodywork important to help postpartum women heal low back pain, sacral pain, and hemorrhoids – common conditions for women after childbirth – but also to help them heal pain during sex.

Before meeting Kimberly, I had no idea that from C-sections to natural vaginal delivery, many women are experiencing painful intercourse in the postpartum period. Now it seems like common sense, but is something I had not considered.

Ellen Heed says she is troubled by the lack of information women have regarding the long-term effects of scar tissue on sexual wellness.

“Usually this pain is coming from scar tissue as a result of surgery, episiotomy or tearing during the delivery of the baby,” says Ellen Heed, expert in postpartum sexuality and a healer. Ellen is also a Sexological Bodyworker, which means she can go everywhere an OB-GYN can go, but with a hands-on healing intent. Through her work, Ellen has helped heal many women who have been suffering from birth injury, including Kimberly.

Over the last year, Ellen has been working on a project to determine how best to

help women “get their sexy” back after childbirth. She has been collaborating with Jaiya, world-renowned sex educator and a fellow sexological bodyworker. The two

Jaiya says that it is essential for women to make time for themselves if they want to reclaim their sexuality after childbirth.

women have worked both hands-on and in interview format with 25 women who have shared their birth stories, sexual and psychological histories, stories of physical trauma during the birth of their children, and the effects of scar tissue on their sexual lives. “We have found that when a woman sustains an injury during childbirth, due to a tear, an episiotomy, or C-section, working physically with the scars is the fastest route to getting physically comfortable with sex again,” explained Ellen in an interview with me.

But how can one work physically with the scars?

Sexological Bodywork, a profession made accessible in California by somatic sex educator, Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., allows a practitioner, like Ellen, to work with a woman to physically resolve the scars. “I resolve scar tissue through hands-on work,” explains Ellen. “I apply castor oil to the scar and move the tissue and find where the tight places are, and physically manipulate those tight places until they begin to let go.” She said that what also seems to be important is the non-judgmental quality of attention and touch as, what she calls authentic witnessing, occurs. Authentic witnessing in this case could be described as physical contact without a sexualized agenda, but with a healing intent. “This creates a sense of safety for the client that often eludes traditional talk-only therapies,” she says.

Jaiya is one of the women who Ellen has helped. “I had a second degree tear that resulted in traumatically painful intercourse — worse than giving birth by far,” explained Jaiya in an interview with me. She said that thanks to Ellen, she is scar free and without pain.

While birth injuries are a major reason for women to lose interest in their sex life after their child is born, another common theme seems to be an overall loss of libido. “They suddenly have no desire for their partners and have no idea why,” says Jaiya. This has a lot to do with the hormone Prolactin which is produced when a woman is breastfeeding, Jaiya explained to me.

And for those women who have a libido and aren’t having any pain? There is still the problem of finding the time and energy after the baby for cultivating a healthy sexual relationship with their partners.

“We have seen too many relationships falter when the overwhelming demands of a new baby meet chronic sexual pain in a mother due to scars from birth injuries.” – Ellen Heed

I have to admit that this doesn’t sound too appealing to someone who has yet to go through the birthing process.

The good news is, however, that now there is help available to easily and quickly address scar tissue and the pain it causes and also improve communication skills with your partner that can create new closeness and intimacy in the relationship. This is the work that Ellen and Jaiya do.

“Sexological Bodywork has returned full erotic pleasure and function to many women who have suffered the effects of scar tissue from both vaginal tearing and C-section deliveries,” says Ellen. “I am optimistic that this is going to provide a new window of hope for a lot of women who otherwise might give up.”

For more information about Ellen and her work in postpartum healing and sexuality, visit www.ellenheed.com.

For more information about Jaiya and her work as a sex educator, visit www.newworldsexeducation.com.

Ellen and Jaiya also have a website together specific to Postpartum Sexuality. Please visit www.reclaimsex.com.

Tabby Biddle, M.S. Ed., is a writer, editor, and reporter dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls. Her work has been featured by The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, NPR, and other national media. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post on women’s issues and reports on the inspiring work of women changemakers. She lives in Santa Monica, CA.

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